FIVE TIPS TO HELP SPIRITUAL TYPES FIND AND KEEP LOVE!
By, CC Treadway
How can I sink deeper into this life experience? How can I feel my self as Nature herself and wake up each morning in her arms?
This is the question I asked myself each day as I longed for a partner at the same time. I would call it the intimacy with life. The longing for relationship is connected to this longing, of returning to the essence of life. And so, as I would beg and plead the universe for both a partner and this intimacy with life, I was given the opportunity to heal all that I needed to have both.
For the spiritual person, the connection to Spirit is unarguably the most important thing. But learning to ground all that spiritual energy in the physical reality is the mission. Feeling God on Earth, for me is the point. Were we to just be our spiritual energy we wouldn’t have incarnated. There is purpose to this physical and often painful life. The sooner that is understood and embraced the sooner those of us perpetually-homesick-for -Source types can be happy here.
Our longing to bring Source into the physical matches the longing for relationship. Relationship will teach us, whether we like it or not, how to be physical. There is sex for one: pure union of the Divine with two bodies, and sometimes, just plain ol’ sex. There are “shared finances” which requires one to step out of denial and deal. There is cultivating the relationship on the emotional level. Our shadow sides are revealed and the most perfect spiritual people are two years old throwing a temper tantrum! “What just happened? We know better!” But we don’t. We have to go through it and learn, step by step, how to bring all that wise spiritual energy into this dense, primordial form, and into the sacred space of relationship. It’s challenging, it’s humbling, it’s worth it.
A few years ago, I thought I had found this intimacy with life in a partner. This kind of all consuming love embraced my cells like I imagined God would if “he” ever found me. This man was my heroin. He took me in and spit me out over and over as dramatically as if I were shooting up. The tragic heartbreak that ended that relationship sent me into the deepest emptiness I’ve ever known. I was a junky who’s drug had disappeared and I needed to clean up. In that bottomless abandonment pain I allowed God in. How does the heart recover and find love again? How do we reconcile our spiritual ideals with our human condition? It’s a conundrum, and sometimes it just plain sucks. If this resonates, please read this article “The Abandonment Abyss” for a thorough explanation.
Let me share with you a little about what it took me to heal and bring in a partner, while suggesting what I think are good tips for entering into a partnership. There’s no formula, but there are definitely some tips that I have found to really help people.
USE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
Spiritual people cannot deny their spiritual connection, but it must lead us deeper into life, not further away into fantasy. When I had my heart broken, and everyone has their own version of that, I lost faith. I lost faith in my ability to know what was right for me, I lost faith in my healers who didn’t foresee this outcome and save me from it. I lost faith in Spirit. It was horrible. My whole system for the way I lived my life broke down. I just wanted to be alone in my apartment, doing my healing work or with very good friends. I decided to further develop my channeling abilities. I wanted my guidance to be foolproof so this would never happen again. That may seem unreasonable, but I was very serious. I tirelessly channeled every day for two years. I got good. I had almost a100% accuracy with my personal channelings. I learned to trust myself because I had courageously brought in my spiritual connection to the physical form. Following my “gut” or “reading the signs” always lead me in the wrong direction. Really. I had to admit I didn’t know what I was doing. My Higher Self’s romantic guidance was almost always in complete opposition to my “instincts” which I now know were just unhealed childhood trauma energy.
Every time I had a new man interest I would run my choice by my Higher Self and guide team. For two years they said “No” to every one. I’m not kidding. But they assured me one day I would be interested in the right type of person, and would, on occasion give me glimpses into who he was. They coached me on healing my abandonment pain, they helped me get out of needing a definite outcome and living life day to day. They helped me build my healing practice and be filled by my life. They helped me shift enough to leave Manhattan and move to Sedona.
In the case of trying to move out of New York, nothing was working out. There was no prospective work in Sedona, I couldn’t sell or sublet my apartment and the economy was tanking. My longing was screaming at me to go. I wanted nature, community and romance, but there was nothing making it easy for me, no signs. I figured I must be mistaken and I should stay in New York. But one day my Higher Self told me I better pack up my things and go by December 18th – which was two weeks away. I was so mad but I did it. Financially, I don’t think I have ever made a worse decision, but I was wiling to do what it took to change my life. While I was filled to the brim with the Divine, I was so sick of my human solitude. I left and within days of landing was seeing my new partner.
Let me be clear, when I met him, my gut said, “No way. Too many issues.” I thought by now I had figured it out, but I channeled about him just to be sure, and was completely surprised when it was suggested to give him a chance. In fact, he got a glowing recommendation. I really thought my guide team was messing with me. But as the weeks went by I was proved wrong. I had met a truly kind man, dedicated to growth, dedicated to relationship and crazy about me. Not only that I was hiking every day and relaxing in Mother Nature’s arms -I was/am living my dream.
So, while I was avoiding social contact because of my pain, I was using my safety net, my spiritual connection, to my advantage. Sometimes you just have to admit where you are clueless as a human being to allow a higher power to help you. I changed my whole life to have the kind of relationship and lifestyle I had been dreaming of for over 10 years.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP
If you keep making the same mistakes over and over in relationship but still wake up every day aching for it, get help from a professional, experienced relationship therapist or healer- not just a psychic or best friend! If a healer tells you they can deprogram all your blocks to relationship in one session I would politely excuse yourself. There’s no guaranteed timeline for success, but working with a specialist will make it a lot faster. Be willing to admit you might have codependency, love addiction, love avoidance or some other “diagnosable” issue that can be addressed and healed practically. Believe me if you knew what you were doing you would be in a happy relationship already. Before finding the right therapist I removed curses, deprogrammed beliefs, cut cords, retrieved soul parts, yadayadayada. I’d probably do it all again, but not until I dealt with psychological issues did I actually stop making the same mistake that destroyed every past relationship.
I am in deep gratitude for those professionals who helped me. I went around for years defending my run of the mill emotional issues with spiritual grandeur. When I finally was ready to give that up, it was relatively quick process. I was codependent, I had a big abandonment wound, no biggie, most people do. But all the healings in the world were not going to teach me to do it differently. I needed someone very skilled with these issues. As a very spiritual person, I worked with highly experienced relationship therapists who were also energy savvy. I learned basic relationship tools and skills, what to look for, what my downfall was, how to attract the right person and concrete exercises to heal codependency. In the meantime, there was no shortage of magical healings in my life to help with the process. While I mess up all the time in my relationship, it’s no longer a soap opera. Since doing that work, relationship is emotionally manageable.
BE WILLING TO STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Your comfort zone is keeping you stuck in your pattern. Your comfort zone is so safe and yummy you don’t even know you should step out of it! What you are afraid of is precisely what you need to do to have a more intimate life. My comfort zone was my perfect apartment, my perfect career and my solitary spiritual life. It was an incredibly controlled environment. I really didn’t know what life looked like without it, but I deeply felt it existed and that’s where I should be.
Leaving a successful career to live a simple life in Nature in the middle of Arizona would be at best a stupid decision and at worst a complete betrayal, according to my father. So, just so I would really get the lesson, a few months after moving to Sedona, my back completely went out and I could not walk for almost a month. The pain was worse than anything I had ever known. It took me three hours each morning of screaming to get to the bathroom. My financial situation went from terrible to catastrophic. My perfect credit was destroyed, I couldn’t pay my mortgage because I couldn’t work, had spent everything on moving and my subletter defaulted on the rent. I was in too much pain to channel and I was in culture shock. The qualities that were respected in New York were rejected in Sedona. Stressed would be too mild of a concept for what I was experiencing. What a crash course for this independent New Yorker. I was dependent emotionally, financially and physically on other people. It was hell. I had no home, no career, no spiritual life, no control, but I had a man!! I had to laugh (after crying…a lot), my life had done a complete 180.
One thing I have noticed about not having money is that it can bring you closer to Nature. I wouldn’t say its necessary to be broke to do that but it has stimulated us to grow our own food and learn to fish. This makes me feel very connected and very supported. I brought in a man who spent almost two years living in the woods, so I am learning a lot! I am almost never alone now. I’m learning to count on being provided for by people, by nature, by partnership as well as by me. Whether I like it or not I am breaking my dependency on the system, and the system is crashing, so I think it’s a good thing. At the same time the universe is beginning to support my commitment to my new life. My apartment finally sold, work opportunities are popping up and my back is healing.
DROP YOUR EXPECTATIONS THAT A RELATIONSHIP WILL BRING YOU BACK HOME TO SOURCE
That’s a lot of pressure. Chances are you will have to have that experience before bringing in a partner. If your partner is responsible for bringing you to Source, what happens if they leave? Horrendous, inconsolable pain! Either Ester Hicks (Abraham) or my Higher Self once said, “Your partner is not your source for Source. Source is your source for Source.” Your longing for relationship will bring you back to Source before you meet someone. Then it becomes less important that they give you that. If you know how to get there, and your partner knows how to get there, being there together will happen naturally. Be willing instead to have relationship bring you out of Source. It’s how you manage being disconnected that shows the true colors of a relationship.
By the time I met my partner, I was united with the Divine. I had reached that place of feeling fulfilled, but still desiring partnership. It was my search for this partner that got me there and my trust in the Divine that made me leave my NYC life with two weeks notice.
STOP VISUALIZING AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!
Meditating, visualizing and manifesting exercises are all good. Then get out of the house and go somewhere where there will be actual men or women who share common interests. You need practice in relating with the opposite sex, and you need to create opportunities to meet someone. If you know you are socially uncomfortable, then do things that make it easier for you. One of the reasons I moved to a smaller town is because I have a hard time with city social environments. I know that if I run into the same person over and over I will easily get to know them, whereas if I just meet them once at a crowded party I might shut down and kill any follow up potential. I need my environment to make it easy for me. Not everyone is like that. I have this friend who is a social master. Plop her anywhere and she has friends, love interests and business contacts. She always amazes me. Be realistic about who you are and what you need. Make it easy on yourself, but don’t stay home every night.
If you want a spiritual guy, make it easy on your guide team by going places the opposite sex will be: sweat lodges, meditation groups, any spiritually oriented event. But make sure you go to the kind that the opposite sex will be at. So for women who want men, go to spiritual events that involve masculine energy: anything physical, earthy or aggressive like the martial arts. For men go to the feelings circles, yoga or movement classes. You get the idea. Then get used to the idea that your partner will actually be of the opposite sex and unless you are gay you will have to deal with that ongoingly! As I mentioned in the last article, understanding the polarity issues are key in any relationship, spiritual or not.
Well I hope this sharing has helped some of you!! Sometimes I feel funny handing out advice, but I know I was so grateful to receive it when I did. My relationship is a day-by-day experiment with no guaranteed outcome, but I’m in the game and it’s fun. Good luck to all you romantics, if I can do it, you can too!
(c) CC Treadway 2009-10. All rights reserved.