Dear Spiritual Community,
Soooooo, here we are in the new Baktun. It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining and I just finished eating breakfast and paying my bills. Yes my friends, I don’t know if you got the memo, but Money didn’t disappear into the ethers on the solstice. Credit cards, banks, currency and the stock market are still doing their dance.
By CC Treadway
As we collectively enter into the feminine, I am struck by my own experience that has led me to understand, and understand deeply, what this means.
Recently, after arguably one of the hottest weeks in NYC, I drove up to the Catskills to stay with an old friend and her family. I had not seen this friend in almost twenty years, but she and her family are more significant in my life than I could possibly convey in words. This family, the Wilkinsons, made me a part of their family when my own family life had fallen apart.
HEALING THE ABANDONMENT ABYSS, Part 2
By CC Treadway
If you would like to read Part 1 of this series please click here:
In the last article I went into the importance of dealing with the pain of abandonment. In this article I will go into more detail with the chakra system of the healing process.
The most important thing about healing abandonment is that you have to admit you have a problem. Many people are defending against this pain so much that they cannot even get to it. But if you continually feel empty, like you need to fill a void with something, you have an abandonment wound. An abandonment wound can lead you to substance
DON’T MESS WITH ME, I LOVE YOU
Transforming Victimhood into Empowerment
By CC Treadway
I often get requests from people who want me to extract their demons for them. I reply to them and let them know that I will ask them to commit to a series of sessions to help transform inner beliefs that are perpetuating the attachments/attacks. Nine times out of ten I never hear back from them.
I have colleagues I can refer them to should they just want good old fashioned shamanic relief, but long term results require a dedication and commitment on the part of the client that many are not willing to do. I do not consider myself a sweeper, I help people grow into their power through self responsibility, healing and education.
As I planned my curriculum for a new summer tele-course, Psychic Empowerment, I remembered this very significant story in my life when I stepped out of the victim paradigm into the super strong love paradigm and watched the world around me change.
HEALERS + CEREMONY = DRAMA
During my 4th year at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing I was asked to take on a leadership role for our final class ceremony. These ceremonies were no small thing. It was really the time for people to showcase their deep, unrealized longings to be seen and applauded. So if you had a dream to sing or dance in front of everyone, this was your time to shine. Of course, this made the whole process very delicate, as these unrealized dreams we have usually carry with them equal amounts of trauma.
The committee of the ceremony was going nowhere fast and rumors were buzzing that it was going to be catastrophic, gasp. So a few people asked me to come in, almost like a consultant to clean it up. For many years I worked as a video and television editor, compiling bits and pieces from film shoots and turning them into stories for a living. So, this was no problem for me. I walked into the meeting and within an hour had the entire ceremony organized and arranged.
However, it would be revealed over the coming weeks that no one but those few people who asked me to come in had hired me. Unbeknownst to me, I had walked in uninvited and crapped all over several people. Although many people were relieved and happy, I deeply upset several sensitive people. These people then formed a committee behind my back to get me thrown out. I did know what hit me as people I loved and trusted conspired against me.
One of the women was so triggered and had a slight case of the “insanity” and, in my fourth year of this so called enlightened healing school, she began to bully me. She bullied me through scathing emails that were sent for the whole class to see. I received almost daily emails of what I could only describe as hateful, confusing and completely ridiculous, targeting me as the entity that must be destroyed. I demanded that she stop, but she said absolutely not, that I deserved it.
From my perspective I was just doing what was asked of me, and I really didn’t need any of this. I hadn’t even wanted to get involved with the ceremony, which is why I wasn’t at the meetings to begin with.
But the worst part? Although I received lots of sympathy from my classmates privately, who couldn’t believe she was doing this, no one said anything to her. Several people bowed out of the ceremony process all together. They were all too afraid. It was my freakin’ childhood all over again…AGAIN. I felt totally numb, scared, hurt, confused, powerless, victimized and sick. The most painful part was that no one had my back. It was actually a little weird. I thought to myself, “What kind of healing school is this, where everyone just stands by and watches someone get attacked?” I realized that this was so out of the ordinary that people just didn’t know how to handle it. Nevertheless, I made a promise to myself at that moment that should I observe that happening to someone in my community, I would help.
At this point, I had a choice, to sink further into playing the victim, to get very aggressive, or to take a stand and find the place within me where I accepted this as my reality and transform it.
I took responsibility for my hidden belief system that was obviously very strong, and went to work to find it. Through some breathing and centering I could find the place inside my heart that accepted this energy from my bully. What I could see was that by accepting it, an energy circuit was activated with her, thus perpetuating the dynamic. When I went deeper into this pain in my heart, the pain said I was bad for being in my power and it just wanted to be liked at any cost, therefore I should sink into the background.
My unrealized longing was to be in my power and lead and it probably came out all sideways, hurting people with the same unrealized longing. I decided that I did not agree with my bully or my pain, and that I was going to stop the circuit. I was not bad. There was a series of misunderstandings and I was naïve, maybe a little overbearing, but not bad.
I took some deep breaths, and allowed the shadow belief to be exposed to the light. I didn’t need to overprocess, I just needed to bring my conscious awareness to the pain and let my love and belief for myself shift the vibration. It was then that I stopped participating in the dynamic.
THE LAST CRAZY EMAIL
When I replied to her last crazy email, I was so unaffected that I made a joke. I saw what she really wanted, because it was the same thing that I wanted. She wrote back laughing at herself and never bullied me again. Just like that. Then we were friends. Of course, I knew she was crazy so we were never good friends! But the air was clear and we were both happy about it.
I then could have compassion for everyone I hurt through my unconsciousness. I walked a little softer into meetings, made more space for those who were scared and let the process naturally unfold instead of ferociously leading like I was editing for live television in New York City. I ended up having a great leadership position as Creative Director of the ceremony as well as participating in many numbers. The ceremony was, by all means, a success. I even got a few apologies.
THE HEALING CONTINUES
A few years later my beloved crazy friend died in a car accident. The ripple of her death was felt through our whole class, the matrix of our tribe forever changed. Her spirit, happy and free, came and visited me during a healing session. Shining brilliant and colorful light, she apologized to me, and we were two souls who were complete.
I felt so grateful that I had handled the situation the way I did. It could have gone in a lot of different directions, but instead, my love for myself and responsibility for my shadow transformed so much ugliness into so much healing.
I use this lesson in my traverses through the astral. Every being is longing to be seen, put to use, be accepted and loved. When I approach an entity in this way, healing beyond what we can imagine happens for both client and entity. My longing with my clients, is to help them find that place within themselves, to find the way to their power, love and acceptance. I educate them about what they are dealing with and teach them not only methods of protection and extraction, but the deep rewarding experience of healing based in love.
When I am able to hold a powerful space of unconditional love, the beings have nowhere to attach to, because any negative beliefs that might attract a negative being, are being bathed in love. In those moments, the love is stronger than any shadow belief. And this is the best argument for truly doing your transformational work. The more beliefs and trauma you bring to the light, the more you are able to be confident in the love you naturally are. I think there may always be shadow energy, but it’s about the balance within you, how brave you are to face your shadow, and how much confidence you have in love in the face of conflict and pain.
It is the love within all of us that makes us strong.
This more than anything, prevents further attack, and sets the client off on a profoundly transformational journey. This gives them the belief to transform their difficult surroundings, and this leads them, quite naturally from rocky shores to safe harbors.
(c) CC Treadway 2011. All rights reserved. You may repost article in its entirety, no changes, with a link back to the site. Please let me know if you repost! Thank you.
THE SHIFT FROM I TO WE: Good News in Cathartic Times
By CC Treadway
Something amazing is happening. The second wave Indigos are taking over. They are not angry, they are not screaming, they are not rebelling. No, no, they are loving the crap out of you. These young ones are coming of age around the world. My friends, the legends are all true, they will heal our planet with their love.
The average age of these innovators? 26. At 36, I feel like the old timer, but I also feel proud because the tracks we laid are being well used and maintained.
I returned to New York on January 1, 2011. I returned to a different city, maybe a different world. See, out in the boonies of rural Arizona, with no TV and everyone disconnected from the mainstream, it was hard to gauge where the pulse of the world was. But in a major metropolitan city, we are shown every day what other cultures are doing, current events are constantly discussed and we are part of the great antenna that broadcasts to the world.
One could say that I have changed, which would be true, but everyone else has too. Life has become a constant collaboration, partly out of need because the economic climate is so different, but also because it seems so pointless now to do everything yourself.
I see that people have changed not only in the spiritual community but in the community at large, which is great because lets face it, the spiritual community is a minority. We are the unsung heroes, meditating and lightworking our butts off in the background.
The biggest tip off that things have changed? My Wall Street-Monsanto-loving-Dad asked me for natural remedies then actually used them. He was rubbing essential oil of Cajeput on his chest and spraying Bee Pollen in his mouth as if he had just discovered a pot of gold. It’s totally weird and totally awesome.
THIS IS WHAT I AM SEEING:
Trees planted everywhere, community gardens, and farmer’s markets galore.
The Empire State Building is using renewable energy. Representatives of the wealth building landmark said in a press conference, “We are not doing this as some kind of charity project for the right thing, we are doing it because it was the best financial decision for the service.” Ya gotta love the suits. But ya also gotta love the tree huggers who developed a superior product at a bargain. Can you see how powerful that is? By not separating out of the game, but engaging fiercely, the centerpiece of the capitalistic world is using renewable energy, and no one had to die for the change.
These flower power heart centered hippies are not afraid to set goals and go after them. I’ve never met spiritual people more grounded and focused on building a solid intention, container and plan for their vision….together. They develop their crafts like any other master, do their emotional work and aren’t afraid to keep it real. They pour their hearts into their projects and care more than everyone else.
As a Gen-Xer, I had to search through the “whatevers” and the “it’s all goods” to find the courage to show how much I cared. But these cats? They are in-your-face with all the caring. They go to the jungle, sit with the medicine and welcome the transformation. And I am gonna stop saying they, because We are in the same tribe. I’ve been waiting a long time for the world to catch up with my heart. I don’t say that in arrogance, because I know I’m not alone, but this is what all of the work has been for; so we could come together to be this great shift that is Now.
The creative energy cannot be contained here. Art, music, writing, business, dance…all of it, together! Community work spaces have developed. These places are more like work and creative clubs, where people pay a membership fee and get access to art classes, office space and coffee.
There are gatherings after gatherings of people coming together to make stuff! Painting together, eating together, meditating together, singing together, visioning and loving the earth together.
For me, what is so interesting about a city, is the breakdancing backdrop of this movement: the buildings, the projects, the noises, the suits, the trains, the arts, the history, the stress, the pressure - the contrast. I love the contrast. And I love how We rest in the middle of that contrast, holding it all, judging none of it, being all of it.
There is no choosing a side, there is no “the government is doing this to us.” It’s an empowered stance of inclusion that says, “We are the system, and this is how We do it.”
In the land of We, there is no them, because we are all reflections, expressions of the One Spirit. We are two sides of the same coin. Do we really believe this? We do.
THE DIVINE FEMININE
I am seeing The Triple Goddess on fire. I am seeing women unafraid of their power, not holding back so that the insecure man can shine at their expense. Oh no, these women are talented, multifaceted, smart, confident, loving and opening to creating with other women and other men. Busting out. Not just in a Divine Feminine gathering, but out in the world.
Women are coming into the world with their ideas and innovation, and claiming their right to family and relationship. There is no one without the other. The Divine Feminine and Masculine are not separate experiences, they’re an integrated experience with nothing to prove. The tracks have been laid and we are all cruising.
Women are no longer hiding in the shadows, storehouses of Earth’s magic kept under wraps, nor are we fighting for our freedom. We have it. (I understand that I am in the United States where this is possible, but now that it is here, I know it will be possible in places where women do not yet have their freedom.)
We are coming together and singing each other’s praises, loving loudly, and the men are right next to us. The young ones did not grow up with too much sexism, and their vibration is strong. So strong it shifts people just by walking into a room. Does this sound like utopia? It kinda feels like it. Don’t wake me up.
THE DIVINE MASCULINE
The other day, my dear friend here in New York had a meltdown on the street. We were leaving a gathering and a lot of energy had moved through the event. I was holding her while she cried on the street, and when I looked up, what was surrounding us? Two young Indigo men holding space for her, deeply in their hearts. They were sending my friend healing energy in her moment, completely grounded, real and present. They didn’t stop until she was done. Holy shit!
I am seeing The Divine Masculine waking up. It is spectacular. And not just because of their apology videos (which I appreciate), but because they are standing in their power and creating a better world with us. They are laying the bricks of change proactively and not just bitchin’ about the corrupt system, or rebelling with inaction. No, they are conquering new landscapes of love by becoming greater masters of energy, talent and intelligence with the women right next to them.
I see them beginning to watch their sexual energy and let it flow wisely into the world, and into the woman. They are beginning to lead with their hearts, and when they look into the eyes of the Feminine, they are actually seeing and respecting her. And I am fanning my face now, breathe, because I have to say, I support these men, I appreciate these men, these men ignite me like lightening in the void.
The heart is not feminine, every human has one. Love is our birthright and we all can share in this blissful state of living in the heart.
I see relationships in flux in the conscious community. Partners are boldly working through eons of codependent dynamics, walking into the cauldron together and hoping for the best sometimes. We haven’t fully crossed the threshold into the new place with it, and I think it is the hardest work of our times. I’m getting a little break right now, but am in deep gratitude for those couples who are transmuting this energy for the planet.
In some ways this is the last frontier for spiritual people: family and home. To create a home environment that is healthy and happy for our children to grow is the most important and sacred job we all have, and yet it is the most difficult. It hits our core, it hits everything vulnerable about us. Spiritual people like to feel invincible, like superheroes. Relationship makes us oh so human, again and again. The brave ones are not backing down, they are committing deeper, letting their love burn through the fire of their resistance, finding their power in the sacred container of relationship.
I still see men resisting standing in the fire of love, perpetually finding themselves and claiming to save the world while they can’t stand by a woman, but I also see that changing. I still see women blaming men for all the wrongs in their lives and in the world, and I also see that changing.
So, let me cheer you on conscious couples and families who are braving the storm. Your love is the backbone of the New World. I see a profound shift in our future as the results of this deep, transformative work lead us to something we cant quite see yet.
And I will also cheer on the single people who are learning to love themselves and be themselves more fully, and hope to inspire you to brave the storm of relationship when it comes your way.
I hope, in the midst of the uncertainty, pain and confusion in the world at this time, that this has helped you. We are moving from I to We, recognizing the beautiful souls around us who are like minded and hearted. Whatever city or town you live in, there are young ones coming of age, ready to love you.
HEALING THE ABANDONMENT ABYSS, PART 1
By CC Treadway
For those of us who have experienced this most intense of all wounds, we know how serious it is. I have found in my healing practice that when it comes down to it, everyone is dealing with abandonment, whether it comes in the form of the fear of rejection, the habitual pattern of love avoidance or good old fashioned codependency and love addiction. From my observations, even those that claim to not experience it really do, it’s just more shrouded.
What is so heartbreaking to see is the judgment and shame that people place on it, not knowing that their reactions are normal. It hurts to be left, but we usually internalize the rejection, making ourselves wrong and unlovable. The good news is that this universal wound is actually something manageable and healable.
One of my biggest teachers has been the abandonment wound.
Coming clean with myself about it and lifting the judgment around it has been one of the most powerful healing responses for both my clients and myself. I continue to grow and learn from it. The fact is codependency is the model we are given for relationship, so its not just the super wounded who need to look at it. However, people who have had early childhood abandonment or abuse will have a more difficult time coping with it as an adult, and yet their system will be patterned for it, so they may find they are reliving brutal rejection and mistreatment time after time, with no tools and no hope to recover or change.
Some events that can trigger this old and unhealed wound are a breakup, a death, being fired, a friendship suddenly ending or an intimate partner or friend who is emotionally unavailable. As a healer and a human, I wanted to dive as deeply into the healing of this wound as I could.
Coming Clean with Myself
Years ago, after a debilitating breakup that left me completely bereft, I devoted myself to healing it. I was sick of feeling awful and powerless, sick of feeling ashamed of my real needs, exhausted from covering up the pain for so long. Of course it wasn't just this breakup, it was ancient, it had always been with me. So I spent five full months tracking when feelings of abandonment would surface. Sometimes it was triggered by an event as simple as saying goodbye to a friend after a movie, other times it would just come over me with no warning. Mostly it was triggered by the loss of that relationship and what that said about my ability to trust myself, and as it turned out, God.
When you get hit by that wound, the mildest reaction is just feeling a bit of sad, lonely discomfort. The most intense reaction is that you feel as though you are completely lost and alone and you must be fed by an external source to survive, addictive feelings begin to control you. It feels like there is nothing supporting you, and nothing to fall back on. It feels like every person in your life doesn’t love you enough or the right way. You begin to try and control your environment and monitor other’s behaviors. It is unhealed child consciousness at its strongest. You must find a primary care giver or you will die. That is the intensity of the emotion.
Sick of trying to cover it up, I finally had to surrender to the experience. I wanted to know just how much it was controlling me. I knew that I would be healing it on a deeper level rather than just applying coping mechanisms, or talking myself out of it.
After this heartbreak, I felt an emptiness and hopelessness inside that was unending and inconsolable, but I had felt this before. Taking responsibility for and confronting the abandonment wound is saying that you are willing to face your deepest fear, your deepest pain. While many things happened in my life to assist in healing this pain, it was my unyielding commitment to the process that brought that about.
The Abandonment Abyss
In those moments where the pain would hit me, I would just sit with myself as the adult, caring witness. I found myself in a deep, black abyss of nothing. It was petrifying at first. And then my child consciousness would appear, crying her eyes out. At the same time that my child consciousness suffered, blamed and cried, my adult consciousness would witness with infinite love, patience and understanding. I had to be strong. I did this again and again and again, sometimes every few minutes in a day.
One time I had to do it for almost three days straight. It was not easy at all, in fact one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I did not let my child take over by affecting my adult behavior. I did not let her “go to the empty well for a drink” as my healer would say. The empty well would be something like trying to get attention from my ex-boyfriend, even if it was ultimately unsatisfying and hurtful. It would have been reaching for ice cream, or talking on the phone non-stop, or not taking responsibility and blaming him. For others it might be drugs, cigarettes or meaningless sex.
Without those vices, I found myself getting to the ultimate wounds- first, abandonment by parents and all the psychology around that, and then inevitably, abandonment by God. That pain was the core, it was unbearable, it was gut wrenching. I felt I had been rejected and betrayed by God, that I didn’t matter at all, the pain was excruciating. I had no choice but to sit with those feelings, to really feel them, to let them out, to hear them.
I sat with this pain a lot. I wanted to be completely unafraid of it. And after some time it was enough. A huge relief washed over me. It was like the weight of the world lifted out of me, making room for the warm, comforting presence of the Divine. It happened automatically, with no preconceived idea that it would. I was overjoyed and felt so cared for. I could feel God within me, filling me, healing me. That was what I really wanted.
The abandonment abyss is what most people are doing anything to avoid, but the truth is, if you face it, it passes. And once you get through it, it gets easier and easier.
Abandonment as Your Ally
Now, the interesting thing is that abandonment has become my ally. Whenever it gets triggered, and it still gets triggered, an instant self love reaction takes place. I had no idea this would happen. Each time I am able to touch deeper parts of the beloved within. The best part is that it’s no one else’s responsibility, so I’ve got the power. Trusting that we are loved and cared for in the midst of chaos takes this practice to a whole new level. It’s challenging, but it’s the only way I know to feel safe.
Abandonment Is a Creative Tool
The other great thing about abandonment is creativity. The best tool we can have right now is our creativity. We will need it to navigate the new world. As our dependency on a corrupt system is crumbling, we need to create the new. Songs, writing, drawing, new business based on love…. all can fill up that seemingly empty void and there is enough for all. This channeling from my guide team describes how abandonment and creativity are linked.
You hold a lot of power as you honor yourself, as you love all parts of yourself. For so long you have tried to eradicate abandonment and now what you are doing is just simply letting go of the idea that it is wrong, it is a gift of story for you as a human, it is a great teacher and there is infinite space and colors in the wound of abandonment. Can you feel the limitless possibilities of creation in the space of abandonment? Can you feel that within yourself - how profound a feeling it is to sit in that space of longing, of emptiness, of pain that seems to stretch as wide as you could possibly fee? Well it is no accident, it is Creators choice, your choice to experience this pain and create within it. There are so many possibilities in life but this vacancy is the abyss. This vacancy is the abyss.
And so as you bring forth your creations in this void of voids, you heal, you make more room for yourself, for your expansion, for your colors, for your music, and as you bring in the creativity, divine love pours from your soul, reminding you of who you are, reminding you that this is all temporary and it is a gift. For creativity is divine. It is direct food, the elixir of your being. Feel the gratitude for such a unique expression of who you are, for such a deep experience of your fullness, your completeness in the vacancy. Do not fear this place, but use it now. Use it to heal. For you understand now, that it is not just there to torture you but to serve you into your highest potential. The abandonment wound opens up limitless space for your creations, for you.
You can bring in the love, let it shower the pain, let it heal the pain, but only when you accept that this emptiness, this loneliness is there as a gift to serve you as a human can you experience the joy of being abandoned, only to discover you are more than you were before. I know what you are thinking, “How could that be joyful?” but we tell you, humanity is just simply irreplaceable, impossible to replicate, it’s perfect. Thank yourself for choosing this crazy pain, this crazy bliss and create within it.
So the next time you feel someone has left you, the next time you feel you need someone else to fill that empty hole, make it bigger, make that pain as big and wide as you can and start to create. Fill it up, paint the canvas, pick up the guitar, cook a meal, or simply feel every particle of your being expand. This is experiential, you must try it. There is purpose in every experience here. Don’t waste it. Let it fill you, let it be you, choose it again and again, every day. Choose your creative longing to expand within. Choose your humanity. Be proud of who you are, even in your darkest moments you are so brave to live this challenge. We sit in awe of your strength, of your efforts, of your potential.
Coming Back into Community
That channeling was so reassuring to me. Through the healing of this wound, and the commitment to tend to it, create from it and love myself, I was able to receive true friendship, true partnership and true community. Life naturally opened up to the bounty of the Universe and I was never alone again.
(c) 2007- 2011 CC Treadway. A