HEALING THE ABANDONMENT ABYSS, Part 2
By CC Treadway
If you would like to read Part 1 of this series please click here:
In the last article I went into the importance of dealing with the pain of abandonment. In this article I will go into more detail with the chakra system of the healing process.
The most important thing about healing abandonment is that you have to admit you have a problem. Many people are defending against this pain so much that they cannot even get to it. But if you continually feel empty, like you need to fill a void with something, you have an abandonment wound. An abandonment wound can lead you to substance
WE ARE THE 100%: THOUGHTS ON THE rEVOLUTION
By CC Treadway
Earlier this year, I found out about these things called “meditation flash mobs.” Excited at the prospect of being in my heart with others in some of the busiest places in New York City, I became a meditation flash mob junkie. The experience consists of picking a busy, public place and then gathering to meditate together for an hour. Following the meditation we usually chant and do a little dancing.
AUTHENTIC LIVING THROUGH HARMONIOUS ABUNDANCE
By CC Treadway
I have been exploring the concept of harmonious abundance for some time. Harmonious abundance would include: being successful and driven without destroying the planet, loving what I do and being financially supported by it, not working myself to the bone and having a happy and balanced family and social life to boot.
So, I went from working my to the top in the commercial arts, to opening my heart, to burning out, to stepping out of the matrix without a parachute, to landing flat on my face in poverty while I dedicated myself to my “dream”, to recovering and being in a state of constant abundance during a 6 year period I like to call, “Hell.” Can ya feel me? I mean its such a cliché I’m embarrassed to share it, but I have noticed so many people going through this process who are just as clueless as I was, so I offer this article as some possible insight.
We all have our own versions of hell, but this process for me was unexpected, out of my control and totally agonizing. It was a time of constantly questioning who I was, not feeling like I fit into to any group, culture, subculture or counterculture. And yet it was also a time of constant new horizons (which hasn’t changed), exploring the different landscapes of life and my psyche.
Many of us are questioning our values, wanting our vision of success to work in harmony with environment, but totally confused in how to make the transition. Feeling like our dreams and goals are supported in a society that is in the midst of this same transition is overwhelming. I mean; we have no idea what is going on on a good day.
These concepts aren’t brand new, but put in context for the spiritually oriented person just trying to make a difference in the world, it forms a nice roadmap.
Have you asked yourself:
If you have asked yourself these questions, congratulations, you are in transition! If you have been asking these questions for years with no real change, then you are stuck in transition, unable to move forward. Congratulations! It’s time to move forward.
My interest has become: what if you could have it all? What if you could live in harmony with nature, participate in the system and do what you love in the world? What if your dreams and visions seamlessly wove together your gifts, prosperity and abundance for all?
First, let us go into the different forms of manifesting, because this is very important to understand. As you are reading, you may recognize yourself in one or all categories. Please celebrate the gift of who you are.
LEFT BRAIN MANIFESTING
Most highly successful people understand this. They study the cycles of their particular business, assess their personalities and their life goals, and proceed accordingly. Their instincts work in conjunction with their life goals. Since they know how to shut off their feelings when it comes to work, they handle failures and rejections well, and continue forward. They are able to make plans, set long term goals, stick with them and actualize them. Contrary to popular ascension belief, this type of manifesting isn’t going anywhere. It is very useful and will continue to work well for those naturally wired in this way.
When I hang with the Wall Street crowd, they have a life plan that began at birth, and it doesn’t stop at their funeral. They have also meticulously planned how their wealth will be distributed for the future generations. This does not make them greedy or superior, this makes them masters of linear time. A mature left brainer is reliable, accountable and puts integrity as a priority in their life. Long-term planners and achievers have power and are comfortable with how they are. It is just the way it is. Better to understand that than to get angry about it.
True left brainers also tend to admire creativity, supporting the arts and filling their homes with expensive, wealth accumulating paintings.
The temptation when using a linear format to manifest is going into “push” or “will,” which is attempting to override the forces of nature with our personal desires. This is how most people operate when they are not in their authentic selves. They are out of harmony with nature, destroying the Earth and trying to control everything and everyone.
Because of the ability to shut off the feeling part of the brain to get tasks done they can lose their compassion in the face of challenge. Unfortunately this happens a lot, and oftentimes the people who make it to the top are the ones that care the least. But it’s so important to remember that not all linear types are evil! Some are very connected to their hearts.
I have met Wall Street and real estate moguls who are totally in their authentic selves and in their integrity. They work with the forces and the cycles, they know who they are and know their limits, and they have incredible access to energy. I have also met a few who do not practice these principles. They are out of harmony with nature, creating destruction and they end up sick and on my healing table- usually for just one or two sessions though, because lets face it, energy healing is a reach for the linear mind!
So, that goes for all of us. If we go into push and refuse to pay attention to the forces of nature, whether rich or poor, in “the system” or “out,” we get sick. I have certainly had my experience of this.
The Left Brain in My Life
My schooling in the left brain way of life was great. I grew up with a father who is a master at it. I worked in the commercial arts as a video editor and I accomplished every career goal I had set out to by age 34, bought an apartment in NYC, put myself through healing school and traveled the world. Financially supporting myself with my left brain while working with my right brain was a breeze. But when I started opening my heart in my healing work, I found myself wanting to be more artistic and less linear. I wanted more experience with my feminine side. It seemed like the shangrila of life. I wanted a garden, a strong man, an art and music studio to create away in, long sunsets on the porch and less structure. Simple right?
RIGHT BRAIN MANIFESTING
True right brained types live life in the moment. When I talk to most artists or spiritual people, their plans stop before they start, or they don’t use that word at all. Try making dinner plans with them, most likely you will just have to catch them in the right moment, or you will be eating alone. Accumulating masses of wealth over time is probably unlikely unless they have someone helping them who has a stronger long term focus.
However, a right brained person is more likely to have sudden windfalls of money, miracles to bail them out in the moment, or the money just “showing up” when they need it. They also tend to “meet the right person at the right time.” They are the ones that get up in the middle of a meeting because they just “feel they need to walk 3 blocks north.” Of course, a shaman from the Amazon is waiting for them there with the healing formula for their sick friend. This does not make them flaky or better, it makes them masters of the moment.
As they mature, and if they are smart, they will have learned how to work with the natural fluctuations of the creative force. This includes not being depressed when things naturally recede, or putting money away and budgeting wisely for the times when the forces of nature are quiet.
With the rise of the divine feminine energy, the support for right brain manifesting is increasing. This is why some who were forced to manifest the left brain way for so long are now having much more success living and thriving in the moment. Masses of spiritual and artistic types are getting together and celebrating how awesome their way of doing things is. Opportunities to create and share are popping up everywhere. But, I will say again, the linear way of manifesting is not going anywhere, things are just balancing out.
Often, but not always, the frustration with these types of people is that they don’t know how to create stability, they can’t really see ahead and it leaves them confused and in a state of inaction. Depression can set in when a huge surge of energy dies down and they are forced to integrate in a more quiet way.
The other trap is “passivity/laziness” or “entitlement,” which means that you are overriding your personal desires with the expectation of being taken care of by the forces of nature. Working with the universe from the right brain means showing up, being fully present in your authentic self with your gifts, and allowing Creator to meet you and gift you. It means listening closely to what the universe is asking of you and doing your best to meet it and participate with life. It’s always an exchange.
It does not mean smoking weed all day, saying “fuck the man!” while you collect your welfare check. I have met many of these people. They do not end up on my healing table, because they expect me to go to their house and heal them for free, thanking them as I let myself out.
In our culture, the right brained way is looked down upon. Think about it: starving artists, martyr healers, non profits, etc. Human beings, especially in the United States, have associated doing right brained things with poverty, and have made it less important. Highly right brain dominant people will struggle in our society the way it is set up unless they find a great left brainer to take care of them. Oftentimes that person ends up being the system itself.
But the answer isn’t making our society wrong. It’s engaging the journey of the empowered artist, the empowered healer, and seeing how that can integrate and be valued in our culture. Of course, the masculine and feminine must both see the value in the other, meeting in the middle for the new solution.
My Switch to the Right
My schooling in the right brained way of life was brutal. Mostly because I had a lot of images about what it actually meant, personally and what I inherited culturally. But also because I am naturally centered in the middle of the right and left brains, so it was like wearing a dress that didn’t quite fit. Nevertheless, I had this idea that I was supposed to be an unpredictable artist with long, flowy hair that was in constant communication with Mother Nature, spewing out songs on call and not caring about things like the bills.
This is what I see a lot of people doing as well. We devalued and lost our true feminine natures, so finding them is a little dicey at first! For me, the shadow beliefs that played themselves out were a deeply unhealed, unloved feminine. But I did not know this, I would have told you the opposite.
So, I lost everything, fell into extreme passivity and poverty, lost direction and then was severely physically injured for almost two years. Not a lot of songwriting going on in that state! I was totally shocked and my feminine apparently didn’t feel too supported.
I also found that while I was helpless and entirely dependent on others for a bit, that there were a lot of people there with me. They were very, very angry with the system for not making room for them, for not seeing their way of doing things and for trying to make them into someone they weren’t. They then completely rejected everything they associated with the system and lost touch with their own empowerment. If you had any doubt, you can bet that a lot of the world’s poverty problem is simply a rejection of the feminine.
I didn’t want to stay this way, so I dedicated myself to healing and getting truly empowered in my feminine. I had to learn from the ground up what feminine abundance was, because it was not given to me and because a back injury was making it really hard to get up off the ground!
After some years of growing out my hair and living with nature in the middle of nowhere I did finally receive the gifts of this approach. I learned that I was always taken care of, that I was part of nature, and that I could work with the seasons and cycles for abundance. By the end of my “training” I was actually able to perceive the forces of nature before they came to me, and began working with them to create and thrive. I also learned that I needed my masculine side turned on and active for any creative impulses to come through. Structure and support were paramount to get anything done and to feel worthy. The two sides of me began to fall madly in love.
One day I was having a very flustered conversation with my dear friend about whether I should give it all up and join the traveling circus, or whether I should give it all up and work on Wall street, she said to me: “CC, you are not caught in the middle of two opposites, you are at the top of the pyramid. Your spiritual connection overrides duality, and you have both an extraordinary intelligence and an artistic gift. When you accept that, you will see there are others there with you, and you have a specific job to do.”
This was a defining moment and completely changed my perspective of my situation. Not only did I feel pretty great about myself, but also, I felt something had been named, and that was important at that time. From that point I accepted who I was, and now have not just one, but a community of people who are right there with me.
So how do the Center people manifest?
First, I will say that I think more people are coming into center as the masculine and feminine forces come into balance within ourselves. It’s the only way out of this crisis we are in. To me it is the crux of every spiritual tradition, and certainly at the heart of most every spiritual teacher I hear.
Both ways of operating need to be mastered to be able to rest comfortably in the center. From the center point, life can be viewed in the spherical way or in the linear way. They exist at the same time. It’s a delicate balance of connecting with your personal will, and allowing life to meet you. From the center point we know we are God and we know we are taken care of, but we also know that our personal goals and desires can be created.
We do this guilt free, because somehow we know that we were born to do just this. We believe in ourselves, don’t give up and trust the universe enough to know that all is well no matter what happens.
I use both sides of the brain when needed, and I am happy to say they stopped arguing. It’s a happy marriage. So if I need to plan, I plan. But I know within that plan that I must leave space open for spirit to gift me in the moment and I know things can change. The universe may throw a lot of goodies my way, but I have the choice to accept or decline, depending on my long-term goals.
It took me a long time to have the courage to set goals again after my stint in the right brain. With all the ascension talk, I thought it I would never set a goal again. But being grounded in my long-term desires offers as much pleasure as creative impulses.
This is an example of Harmonious Abundance in my life. I create seasonal business plans while actively meditating and using ceremony to receive. I ask Mother Nature and Creator before starting every new project, and make offerings as an exchange for their support, encouragement and advice. Sometimes they ask things of me, I do them. I am in constant communication with them while pursuing my goals and don’t get angry with them when things don’t go my way. I use this way of interacting with the forces of the universe for every desire I am serious about creating/receiving. I align with my Higher Self and heart every day to make sure my goals are in alignment with my true self. There are always unexpected gifts and pitfalls on the path, and that is just life. My job is to accept the process and do my best.
Harmonious abundance doesn’t separate out. It does not say, “I am out of the system and in Nature.” The system is the structure of society, inherently left brained, so that would simply be the right brain rejecting the left. From a harmonious standpoint we constantly look at what is being balanced, what will need to be balanced and how we as individuals fit into that process. Then we can work within that framework, which is actually larger than the temporary financial or government system that is in place in any society. In that way we can ride major life changes, government collapses or system transformations with strategic intelligence.
Harmonious Abundance is inclusive and based in the heart. It does not make the other wrong. Business becomes a divine, creative project not the enemy. Money is an expression of our energy, how much we value ourselves, and used as a tool for creation. If money transforms into something else, we will still need to accept and master the energy it was created from. The arts, music and dance weave our experience of life together and give us an opportunity to express our creative passion, a fundamental aspect to our humanity. All of us are a living, breathing part of the whole and we become incapable of dismissing Mother Nature or other people in our desires.
Harmonious Abundance understands that things are always being born and things are always being completed - to be born again in a new way. One needs only tend to a garden for a few years to understand that.
I hope that this information provides a roadmap for you to step more fully into your authentic self and assists you in living your dream, whatever it may be.
(c) CC Treadway 2011. All rights reserved. You may repost this article in its entirety with a link back to this site. Please let me know if you repost!
DON’T MESS WITH ME, I LOVE YOU
Transforming Victimhood into Empowerment
By CC Treadway
I often get requests from people who want me to extract their demons for them. I reply to them and let them know that I will ask them to commit to a series of sessions to help transform inner beliefs that are perpetuating the attachments/attacks. Nine times out of ten I never hear back from them.
I have colleagues I can refer them to should they just want good old fashioned shamanic relief, but long term results require a dedication and commitment on the part of the client that many are not willing to do. I do not consider myself a sweeper, I help people grow into their power through self responsibility, healing and education.
As I planned my curriculum for a new summer tele-course, Psychic Empowerment, I remembered this very significant story in my life when I stepped out of the victim paradigm into the super strong love paradigm and watched the world around me change.
HEALERS + CEREMONY = DRAMA
During my 4th year at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing I was asked to take on a leadership role for our final class ceremony. These ceremonies were no small thing. It was really the time for people to showcase their deep, unrealized longings to be seen and applauded. So if you had a dream to sing or dance in front of everyone, this was your time to shine. Of course, this made the whole process very delicate, as these unrealized dreams we have usually carry with them equal amounts of trauma.
The committee of the ceremony was going nowhere fast and rumors were buzzing that it was going to be catastrophic, gasp. So a few people asked me to come in, almost like a consultant to clean it up. For many years I worked as a video and television editor, compiling bits and pieces from film shoots and turning them into stories for a living. So, this was no problem for me. I walked into the meeting and within an hour had the entire ceremony organized and arranged.
However, it would be revealed over the coming weeks that no one but those few people who asked me to come in had hired me. Unbeknownst to me, I had walked in uninvited and crapped all over several people. Although many people were relieved and happy, I deeply upset several sensitive people. These people then formed a committee behind my back to get me thrown out. I did know what hit me as people I loved and trusted conspired against me.
One of the women was so triggered and had a slight case of the “insanity” and, in my fourth year of this so called enlightened healing school, she began to bully me. She bullied me through scathing emails that were sent for the whole class to see. I received almost daily emails of what I could only describe as hateful, confusing and completely ridiculous, targeting me as the entity that must be destroyed. I demanded that she stop, but she said absolutely not, that I deserved it.
From my perspective I was just doing what was asked of me, and I really didn’t need any of this. I hadn’t even wanted to get involved with the ceremony, which is why I wasn’t at the meetings to begin with.
But the worst part? Although I received lots of sympathy from my classmates privately, who couldn’t believe she was doing this, no one said anything to her. Several people bowed out of the ceremony process all together. They were all too afraid. It was my freakin’ childhood all over again…AGAIN. I felt totally numb, scared, hurt, confused, powerless, victimized and sick. The most painful part was that no one had my back. It was actually a little weird. I thought to myself, “What kind of healing school is this, where everyone just stands by and watches someone get attacked?” I realized that this was so out of the ordinary that people just didn’t know how to handle it. Nevertheless, I made a promise to myself at that moment that should I observe that happening to someone in my community, I would help.
At this point, I had a choice, to sink further into playing the victim, to get very aggressive, or to take a stand and find the place within me where I accepted this as my reality and transform it.
I took responsibility for my hidden belief system that was obviously very strong, and went to work to find it. Through some breathing and centering I could find the place inside my heart that accepted this energy from my bully. What I could see was that by accepting it, an energy circuit was activated with her, thus perpetuating the dynamic. When I went deeper into this pain in my heart, the pain said I was bad for being in my power and it just wanted to be liked at any cost, therefore I should sink into the background.
My unrealized longing was to be in my power and lead and it probably came out all sideways, hurting people with the same unrealized longing. I decided that I did not agree with my bully or my pain, and that I was going to stop the circuit. I was not bad. There was a series of misunderstandings and I was naïve, maybe a little overbearing, but not bad.
I took some deep breaths, and allowed the shadow belief to be exposed to the light. I didn’t need to overprocess, I just needed to bring my conscious awareness to the pain and let my love and belief for myself shift the vibration. It was then that I stopped participating in the dynamic.
THE LAST CRAZY EMAIL
When I replied to her last crazy email, I was so unaffected that I made a joke. I saw what she really wanted, because it was the same thing that I wanted. She wrote back laughing at herself and never bullied me again. Just like that. Then we were friends. Of course, I knew she was crazy so we were never good friends! But the air was clear and we were both happy about it.
I then could have compassion for everyone I hurt through my unconsciousness. I walked a little softer into meetings, made more space for those who were scared and let the process naturally unfold instead of ferociously leading like I was editing for live television in New York City. I ended up having a great leadership position as Creative Director of the ceremony as well as participating in many numbers. The ceremony was, by all means, a success. I even got a few apologies.
THE HEALING CONTINUES
A few years later my beloved crazy friend died in a car accident. The ripple of her death was felt through our whole class, the matrix of our tribe forever changed. Her spirit, happy and free, came and visited me during a healing session. Shining brilliant and colorful light, she apologized to me, and we were two souls who were complete.
I felt so grateful that I had handled the situation the way I did. It could have gone in a lot of different directions, but instead, my love for myself and responsibility for my shadow transformed so much ugliness into so much healing.
I use this lesson in my traverses through the astral. Every being is longing to be seen, put to use, be accepted and loved. When I approach an entity in this way, healing beyond what we can imagine happens for both client and entity. My longing with my clients, is to help them find that place within themselves, to find the way to their power, love and acceptance. I educate them about what they are dealing with and teach them not only methods of protection and extraction, but the deep rewarding experience of healing based in love.
When I am able to hold a powerful space of unconditional love, the beings have nowhere to attach to, because any negative beliefs that might attract a negative being, are being bathed in love. In those moments, the love is stronger than any shadow belief. And this is the best argument for truly doing your transformational work. The more beliefs and trauma you bring to the light, the more you are able to be confident in the love you naturally are. I think there may always be shadow energy, but it’s about the balance within you, how brave you are to face your shadow, and how much confidence you have in love in the face of conflict and pain.
It is the love within all of us that makes us strong.
This more than anything, prevents further attack, and sets the client off on a profoundly transformational journey. This gives them the belief to transform their difficult surroundings, and this leads them, quite naturally from rocky shores to safe harbors.
(c) CC Treadway 2011. All rights reserved. You may repost article in its entirety, no changes, with a link back to the site. Please let me know if you repost! Thank you.