By CC Treadway
As we collectively enter into the feminine, I am struck by my own experience that has led me to understand, and understand deeply, what this means.
Recently, after arguably one of the hottest weeks in NYC, I drove up to the Catskills to stay with an old friend and her family. I had not seen this friend in almost twenty years, but she and her family are more significant in my life than I could possibly convey in words. This family, the Wilkinsons, made me a part of their family when my own family life had fallen apart.
I met Heather when I was 12 at an Episcopal church inter-county sleepover. I recognized her as a fellow gymnast immediately by the way she walked, so of course we had to be friends.
In those early years, I would go over to the Wilkinson’s house in Pelham, New York, and be greeted by two enormous dogs, a cat, her brother, and her parents, who would promptly put me to work. This work included walking the dogs, taking out the garbage, walking to the grocery store in the dead of winter, setting the table, etc.
The Wilkinsons lived in a grand old Victorian, 4 stories high with 8 bedrooms. The house was heated only by woodstoves. Heather’s father, John, preferred woodstove heat, and was uncompromising in this preference, no matter how cold it was. Hats and gloves were frequently worn if necessary. John, a hotshot lawyer in NYC, had a lot of hobbies: fly fishing, camping, skiing, really anything that had to do with nature. He and his wife Mia, a pro-gardener and teacher, held fast to old values that were all but disappearing. Pre-boomers from New England don’t mess around. Their work ethic and consistency is a force to be reckoned with. I got it, I loved it, and I paid close attention.
To me, each time I entered the Wilkinson’s house was like going to paradise. My own house, just a few towns away, was going through a lot at that time. My parents did not get along and were beginning what would become the longest divorce process known to man. At the Wilkinson’s I was part of a functioning team that had a purpose. I gladly participated.
I’m imagining they understood exactly the role they played for me. I was Heather’s favorite friend, and so I was informally adopted. My parents, always up for an adventure, were thrilled that I was being treated so well and shown so many new things.
The Wilkinsons took me on all their family vacations. We went horse back riding in Jackson, Wyoming, camping and fishing in upstate New York, swimming in Delray Beach, FL, and skiing in Okemo,VT. Every year they took me to their college reunions in Williamstown, MA, and they even took me along to visit with their best friends in New Hampshire. As a family, we would watch the Olympics together, getting into every nuance of the gymnasts, dissecting the ice skaters, and passionately cheering on the skiers. They brought me along everywhere as one of their daughters, and delighted in my personality and my quirks. No one ever yelled at each other and “flaws” were seen as something to chuckle about.
Eventually they bought a second home in the Catskills with even more woodstoves, skiing, dogs and sitting around the fire with drinks, all getting along. I went up there as often as possible.
THE FANTASY FAMILY IMAGE
Throughout these 6 years from age 12 until I graduated from High School at 18, I was shown a way of life that held and supported me through tough times. My parents finally divorced when I was 18, and in my head, the Wilkinsons were the model I used for the family life I was determined to have as an adult. I thought that I had kept my admiration for them to myself, but in this most recent trip to the Catskills, Heather told me I wrote, “Because of you and your family, I now know what family actually is,” in her senior yearbook.
After high school, Heather went to Williams college and I went to the Rhode Island School of Design. Heather became a doctor. I became a filmmaker, dancer and healer of sorts who dated the wrong guys. Heather got proposal after proposal from stable men. We fell out of touch.
I remember feeling in my 20’s like I just wasn’t good enough to hang out with the Wilkinsons anymore. I didn’t want to bring my darkness into their light. I felt ashamed that I was so all over the place, that once again the last guy I dated blew me off after he slept with me, that the guy I was seeing now had 2 other girlfriends, and I had 3 other boyfriends outside of him just to be safe. I truly didn’t feel I deserved any better, and I couldn’t bear to feel my own deeper needs.
All the while the myth of my ideal family life I was going to have remained strong in my head. I could see the house in the Catskills, the garden, and the functioning family unit as we did lots of outdoorsy activities.
As I danced, worked at MTV, went to healing school, dated countless men and moved countless times, I knew that someday I would have that stable life. I held onto it like the rock of Gibraltar. My feelings of shame and sadness around my inner broken home were still so strong. So, the contrast between how I actually felt and my fantasy family image was a tough gap to bridge. All the while I was dreaming up this perfect movie, I developed myself as a person, dedicating myself to my spiritual path. I became a successful video editor and later a self-employed healer. I began helping a lot of people, writing music, and traveling. I was an adventurer, and I worked hard.
But at the end of the day, I dismissed all these things as unimportant. They were only what I was doing to heal myself until I moved to upstate New York to become a Wilkinson. I could not let go of that image, or there would be nothing to hold onto, I would just be floating in emptiness.
THE IMAGE BEGINS TO CRUMBLE
In 2010, after a broken engagement to a real woodsman in Arizona, where we had a garden, a big dog and national forest as our backyard, my image began to crumble. This was very scary. After trying for two years to create my image, I left Arizona, defeated, and moved back to New York. I faced my biggest fear, because I felt there was nothing holding me to anything. The program had failed. For awhile I sat in nothingness, floating with no purpose. It was tough, but also liberating. For the first time I had no real agenda for anything, so I just let the Divine take care of me. I worked on my music and my healing practice and just took it one day at a time.
Naturally, when I let go of the image and the control, the life I was supposed to have come rushing towards me. Literally hundreds of artists, musicians and healers entered my life without effort. I formed deep friendships. I just went with it and began to have more fun than I could ever have imagined. My relationship with my parents also began to heal naturally, at a level I never expected.
But then after several months of singing, dancing and making art with the best people in the world, the winter wind began to blow, and the image of the woodstove came back with a vengeance. It was time to move upstate and do it for real. I was determined and began the motions of finally claiming the life I had been dreaming of all these years.
In January of 2012, I was in Woodstock, NY, looking at the perfect cabin with one of my best friends. I thought that my husband would walk through the door at any second. But then it began to feel kinda weird, like I was in the hologram deck on The Enterprise - set to Norman Rockwell. It wasn’t real, and it wasn’t me. The image began to dissolve and I started to freak out. I didn’t know what was going on, but I had to get out of there and get back home to Brooklyn with my community immediately. My friend intuitively knew what was happening to me, and we drove out of Woodstock like bats out of hell.
Since then, the remnants of this safety net have been continually dissolving as the real CC has been emerging. It’s been a little disorienting, but claiming myself as a musician, a mystic, an adventurer, and an artist has made me the happiest I have ever been. Letting go of the identity as someone who is just healing herself so she can have her family and farmhouse in the woods, to come into a fully embodied, musical goddess is way better than the fantasy, because it’s who I am naturally.
How grateful I am to have not only had the beauty that the Wilkinsons offered me as a teenager, but to have had that image keep me together while I healed, and while I traversed my human journey. Somehow, here in 2012, the slate was wiped clean, and I became strong enough to let the safety net go.
I would write in Heather’s yearbook now, “Because of you and your family, it was safe for me to find my true self.”
THE CATSKILLS, 2012
Of course, while all of this was happening, I got a touching email from Heather Wilkinson herself. After 20 years, I found myself driving up to the Catskills to come full circle.
When I arrived at the Wilkinsons in July of 2012, the solid rock I clung to was very much in tact. The garden I helped build as a teenager was thriving, the dogs were running and playing and the quilts on the beds just as charming. After 50 years John and Mia are still best friends with their nightly cocktails, long conversations and mutual passion for nature.
They welcomed me back with open arms, inviting me to come to the house any time I wanted, with or without them. I felt their warmth and generosity like an old friend, and I was overwhelmed with their love and trust in me after all these years.
Heather and I had a lot to talk about. It was so good to see her and reconnect. It became obvious that her journey was more like mine than I had believed. She has moved countless times as an ER doctor, been in several relationships (she never married anyone who proposed), and in 2009 we both suffered a life altering back injury that took us out of type A mode to begin the journey of the integrated woman. She ended up taking 3 years off and is now emerging as an acupuncturist. In my back-injured bedridden days in Arizona, I learned to let life take care of me, to let the earth speak to me, and to trust I was provided for at all times.
THE BIG PICTURE
I am witnessing so many of my 30 something female friends going through a profound change. We just don’t have the testosterone to be type A workaholics. Somehow in our post feminist reality, we took on the idea that we should be able to pull this off. It is a pressure cooker. It seems the overworked-woman’s-nervous-breakdown is par for the course.
What I like, and what I see us doing, is reclaiming the feminine in this deep, sultry, spacious way. Sinking deeply inside and feeling the universe in our hearts and our wombs is opening doorways to our passions without burning out. We are so beyond the subservient wife, but we are also beyond the overworked, constantly in charge career woman. The new, integrated woman is rising just in time for December 21, 2012.
I think many of us reach for an ideal that was imprinted on us somehow. But most of the time, that image isn’t realistic, it is simply a tool to help us find who we actually are.
After almost 2 decades of art, healing and music, I have found a way to combine all of my passions and work part time, making more than enough money. I cannot overwork myself and expect any magic to happen. My delicious female friends are all going through this journey, some are also balancing children and husbands. Even though Heather and I come from very different family situations, she is also on this path.
We women need our time, our quiet and safe space for the magic to arise, so we can receive the gifts of the universe, and so we can hold a loving space for the world.
As the triple goddess we have our ferociousness, and we have so much strength and endurance, but the magic comes in the softness. I desire a world where it is safe to be as soft as we are, as fluid as the waters we are born in, and as deep as our hearts can go.
By CC Treadway
In 2008 a group of lightworkers led by Drunvalo activated the Unity Grid on the south pacific island of Moorea. It was a simple ceremony, and we haven’t looked back since.
A few months later many of us checked in with each other. What seemed clear was that everyone felt more love in the world, felt it as a palpable force of support. Mission accomplished.
But a funny thing happened, and not really haha funny. Life started to operate, well, differently, and many of us had no idea what we were doing. I remember thinking after we did that activation, that I would retire my lightworking wand and move to the country to quietly ascend and live the simple life. Little did I know this was just the beginning. The ascension path would bloom in full force, unrelenting, and every limiting mental construct that held me safe up to that point was to be demolished. Sound familiar?
I would loosely describe the path of ascension as the unshakable devotion, whether conscious or unconscious, to soul growth, and to the collective mission to raise the vibration of earth into something way better- dare I say “the shift,” dare I say the “fifth dimension.”
YOU ROCK 3D, YOU’RE EXHAUSTED, YOU’RE 5D SHIFTING, WTF
For those who have spent the last years living with the land, in a state of oneness with nature, this whole shift thing may seem like old news. Go back to your garden and inner peace, you don’t need to read this.
But there are many who’s life path, for better or for worse, is intimately intertwined both with civilization and insatiable spiritual growth.
You guys, we are really strong and totally crazy for volunteering for this.
So,“How do you let go and trust into the embrace of spirit while still paying the bills, being responsible to your children, or participating in society? I mean isn’t all that stuff anti-5D?”
We can’t all run out to the middle of nowhere to ascend (though I really tried, and may try again!)
We have literally been asked to completely rewire our brain, our DNA, our bodies. For a number of us, we have gotten to the other side enough to be reaping the joyful rewards. But there are still those that are hovering somewhere in between, understanding intellectually that all is provided, but not knowing how to break out of working too much for too little to maintain what they have created without going into bankruptcy, losing children and marriages, houses, etc.
These are legitimate concerns. You have worked hard for what you have, probably too hard. The way things are set up now, many of you are barely making ends meet, even though you work one or two respectable jobs.
When I had reached exhaustion from my overachieving ways and began my “let go let god” training, my experience was falling on my face and losing everything before coming out the other side into abundant living. You can read about that here.
Now, being on the other side (enough), I am grateful for what I learned. And I am witnessing not just my students, but so many people going through their version of what I went through. For those of us that paved the way, lets just make it a little easier on those who are still hovering and freaking out.
I would like to premise this whole section by saying that in my humble opinion, I don’t see 5D as existing all on its own, that would be very one dimensional. We are multidimensional beings. So, 1- 4D and beyond is still there in some way. 5D living means developing more of ourselves, leaving what doesn’t work behind, and learning how to navigate life with a new set of rules. Here we go.
1. YOU ARE NOT A HIPPIE
If you devoted the last 20-30 years to killin’ it in your career, it is highly unlikely you will take on all the values of a true hippie who doesn’t need many, if any material comforts. Hippies have already developed their right brain manifesting genius, but most have not addressed their left-brain (To read about left and right brain manifesting, click here.) You do not need to abandon your fabulous left-brain, or your monthly shopping sprees (I won’t tell.) But you do need to learn all about manifesting from the heart and right brain. Since you are an overachiever, I bet you will do this splendidly, if you haven’t already begun.
2. PASSING THROUGH 4D: GO TO THE LIGHT!
First you must pass through 4D to get to 5D. In 4D your beliefs will smack you in the face, good and bad. So work your beliefs. You will recognize this space if you have no idea what on earth is going on, if you feel caught in between worlds or if you are clinging on to the old paradigm like a broken piece of wood from your capsized boat.
You may feel like you have lost direction and purpose. Congratulations, you have. Your main job is to just go through this. You will not know anything until you get to 5D, and even then it will be a completely different way of experiencing your life purpose.
The number one survival skill in transitioning is to not focus on your external circumstances and to unabashedly align with your heart and your 5th dimensional divine self every day. Admit you don’t know how to solve your problems with your mind, and let divine intelligence come in and school you. Then you will be guided and shown much more gently what to do, step by step. You will know it’s not about tearing everything down, but gently listening to the love of spirit in your life.
The light at the shore will be blinding, follow that light.
3. FIRE YOURSELF
Do you feel like you have been doing life all alone?
Are you shouldering all the burden?
Do you need to be in charge of everything?
This is old-paradigm-lack-mentality. Fire yourself immediately.
I fired myself. It was the best thing I ever did. Because I realized I was so terribly bored with being in charge, and I wanted more. By firing myself I put Source in charge. This is a good move, because if you have done your work, your new boss is amazing and is all about team work.
Fifth dimensional living is not without structure. There is deep structure, and there is deep flow. It is not a free for all because it takes great surrender and great focus. As you plant intentions, the divine fifth dimensional structure unabashedly assists in holding them with you, so you are not muscling this alone. You are NEVER working alone as you may have felt you have been all this time.
Working as a divinely inspired collective is essential to this new way of living. As soul family naturally links together, projects and dreams begin to create themselves by the collective intention of the group, and each individual showing up with their gift. That collective intention is built over time through loving and respecting one another.
This is where some of the biggest rewiring happens. It’s just so shocking when a community of people spontaneously rises up to help you. Can they actually do a better job than if you were doing it alone, or without you being in charge? The answer is yes, yes they can. You will need to continually let go of your personal agenda as some sort of tried and true saving grace. Learn to work with Source energy, with others and enjoy.
4. MAKE EARNING MONEY FUN
You know how to do it. Now make it the most pleasurable experience of your life.
Earning money seems like a chore to so many. It’s not, it’s the best.
Love + Money = SELF CARE.
Love is the bridge between spirit and matter. Do the math. (READ ABOUT IT HERE.)
If you are not earning enough to feel like you are in abundance, find where you are in lack and love yourself there. If you are in a career that destroys you, but you are earning a lot of money, , find where you are in lack and love yourself there.
In the new world, the right and left-brains are illuminated by the pineal energy, making it easier to bridge duality, and making it much more fun. Sink into your pineal gland and ask that it heal the split between spirit and matter, love and money, let it travel to all your chakras and fill you with divine love. Yes!
Deal with your debt
I hear a lot of people say, with hopeful excitement, “I’m not going to deal with my debts because there isn’t going to be any money in a few months….” I think this is a mistake, and not just because I’ve been hearing it for several years, but because we really don’t know what is going to happen. If you created debt, it’s on you and your feelings of avoidance, lack and low self worth. There’s nothing that irks me more than when someone uses spiritual ideals to avoid developing material integrity…and then asks me for money.
It is essential to heal this part of humanity individually and collectively. This area of lack in our systems wants to be filled with love….and money. I’m a broken record because I really mean it and because I personally like being filled up with love and money.
Why is it so important?
The practical energy of money management, budgeting and planning is the same vibration and skill as planning and managing a permaculture farm.
We need integrity, accountability and responsibility more than ever if we are going to co-create! With money, you plan according to business cycles. With gardens, you plan according to the seasons and the land. So my dear overachievers, I cannot say whether money will make it to the next stage, but once again, your grounded, left-brains skills are very needed.
If you haven’t yet, deal with your debt. Build that first, second and third chakra energy, and let the heart and spiritual energies infuse with it. Take responsibility for your actions and you will build confidence, strength and power. We need everyone to be empowered. Love and forgive yourself (and the system) through the process. Your new heart centered manifesting skills will also come in handy as large chunks of cash and great opportunities magically appear.
5. DO WHAT YOU LOVE
I couldn’t leave this one out, and it never hurts to hear it again, right? But don’t think you have to quit your job, change your entire life or earn your living doing what you love right away or ever. Just do what you love and don’t kill yourself. Make it as easy and pleasurable as possible. No pressure, it doesn’t have to be dramatic.
If you feel ready to quit your job, then do it, if not, don’t do it. Just enjoy life as much as possible, and know that the more you cultivate the ability to enjoy yourself and feel taken care of by life, the more you will be enjoyably taken care of by life.
Here’s the tricky part, I have seen so many decide to quit their livelihood thinking spirit would take care of them with the same income level to which they were accustomed. This would be part of the hazing, or creative process, depending on how you look at it. Living in the new paradigm takes a little practice and skill, the same way you developed yourself in the old paradigm. Make it easy on yourself. Do it in steps if possible, allowing your right-brained manifesting skills to integrate with your left-brain ones. You will get to the promise land no matter what, there’s no shame in having a little cushion!
Disclaimer: If you go to the top of a mountain, and get a full throttle download to quit your job and move to Ecuador, listen to the download and not to me.
6. LOVE LOVE LOVE
Commit yourself to love. Love yourself, love others through perceived faults, stop blaming, love yourself out of victim mode, do the love thing full on. Develop a relationship with love and Source so strong you can’t ever get rid of it. It will change everything.
Key Benefit: You will have a lot more friends and soul family will find you.
7. GOD IS ALIVE, MAGIC IS AFOOT
The Magic returns. The magic is based on this deep love between you and Creator. All of life loves you and begins to work with you and through you. Events begin to be set up that are far better than what you had imagined.
The magic begins at that point where you give up trying to figure it out and instead say “I don’t know! Spirit, will you come help me? I love you so much, thank you.” You begin to feel that you are in total partnership with life, that your needs are met in the most pleasant ways, that your projects are divinely guided and supported with love. Your new purpose begins to kick in. You are now in the fifth dimensional Unity Grid and it’s good my friends, very good.
My fellow overachievers, I feel your pain and confusion. On the other side of these riddles is a world where we are able to create and receive harmoniously, without stress, with the people we love the most. It’s better than anything you’ve experienced so far, and it’s worth it, so keep going!
(c) CC Treadway 2012. All rights reserved. You may publish entire article with link back to this site. Thank you.
NEW YORK: AMBITION ORGASM
by CC Treadway
Like most New Yorkers, I love New York, even when I hate it. If you have creativity and ambition, big ambition, then you will find it hard to leave. This creativity could be art, healing, entertainment, law, finance, whatever. All that matters is that you are very, very ambitious about it. You have to want to excel at what you do. If you are not ambitious, you will find New York City utterly unacceptable. New York chooses you as much as you choose her. If she chooses you and you leave, she will find a reason to lure you back. She loves her babies, and if you commit to her rules, you will be rewarded nicely.
I have lived a lot of places. I have loved them all, but New York is my home, and I love her most of all. I was born here, raised here, and I feel more alive here than anywhere else on earth. But what is so special about New York that 9 million people decide to cram in and give it a go?
PARK AVENUE POWER
Recently, when I was still living in Sedona, AZ (the polar opposite of New York and everything she stands for), I came to visit and work in NYC. I was overwhelmed by how amazing the healing work was, the commitment of the clients, the willingness to go into the primordial mud and transform. After a particularly rewarding work day, I strolled on down Park Avenue to take it all in. Opening wide to my experience, I felt this overwhelming surge of energy rip through me. I couldn’t help it, I began to cry, weep actually, in the middle of 25th Street and Park Avenue. It was so strong, so familiar and it pierced my soul. Luckily, no one bothers you in NY if you do weird things.
I was standing in the middle of the concrete jungle I tried so hard to get away from for a better life, so why was my soul being lit on fire? This had to be wrong! Cities were disconnected from Nature and I had claimed my natural life in Sedona! Nevertheless, I had to lean up against a building and be with this stabbing longing.
A few months later, back in Sedona, my fiancée and I broke up. While mutual, I was devastated, shocked and disoriented. I packed up my life in Sedona and drove to California to stay at a friend’s. I needed to make some quick money and did not feel like doing healing work. After one email to an old boss, I was on a plane to begin work in New York City at a post-production company. Upon arriving, I was welcomed back on every level by my community, my old professional life, a sweet, affordable place to live with one of my best friends, and more hugs than I knew what to do with. Things that should have taken months to work out happened in a blink of an eye. Lady Liberty was making it very easy for me to be home.
On my way to a meditation one day, I found myself on Park Avenue in that same spot. The rush started to take me over again. I looked north to the Met Life building, which stands on top of the historic Grand Central Station at 42nd Street. It felt like an energy river was running through me. I had to know what was happening. So I turned on my third eye vision. What I saw was amazing. Streaming down Park Avenue was a current of ideas, creativity, drive, excitement, music, concepts and everything else you could think of. I was having an ambition orgasm. I could feel the current traveling through all the train lines that feed into Grand Central Station, carrying with them the hopes and dreams that light this city up, and then spread out into the world.
As I turned my focus upwards I saw huge beings, the guardians of New York City. Oh my GOD, they were amazing. They were huge, powerful, sky scraping giants that monitor and protect this current. They acknowledged me with a nod as I stood there with my mouth open. Their energy was of pure power, integrity and vision. They were not all about the love-dovey, but they weren’t cold. Just taking what they did very seriously, like a lot of New Yorkers.
I stood there absorbing it for a long time. Deep appreciation for their work welled up inside me. After living in an ambition deprivation tank for two years, I was floored at how Mother Earth and these beings were working together to support us, and to control this wild, powerhouse of an energy stream. The energy is all Mother Earth’s, we just naively step into it and give it our best shot. The guardians were called in to help us so we don’t all go insane, thankfully. It’s a good system, although many still are crazy.
Standing on that road, I feel like I am connected to humanity around the world. I feel like my ideas are received, and then transmitted, I feel important. Living out in the boonies I felt invisible, and tried to convince myself that I didn’t need recognition. But here, on Park and 25th, I know I am a part of the great civilization we have created today: for better or for worse. I know that I need to be here to gracefully bring my gifts to the world. Make no mistake, what we have created on this planet, no matter how separate from Nature we have gotten, is a gift from God. We are all perfect creations, made from Love.
I could feel the neutrality in this current and it helped me see I was done with the separatist attitude of making civilization wrong and making everything close to nature right. That was exhausting, and it was the governing energy for me in Sedona. I wanted both. I wanted civilization, art, music, words, ideas, finance, growth and I want a garden and eco-friendly everything. YES. I want to barter and make tons of money. YES. I want to sit and listen to the trees for hours, and then work till I drop. YES. In this current of energy, YES was everywhere, booming through my desires.
This was before the meditation on the New Moon solar eclipse on January 4th, 2011. Needless to say the meditation was off the charts. Later, I had a conversation with a beautiful indigo starchild, Filip Klein, and I was sharing with him my experiences on Park Avenue. He let me finish and then said, “So, get ready, the shaman I study with told me that the major ley line that runs through New York comes from upstate, then flows down into Grand Central, down Park Avenue to Wall Street, one of the largest energy vortexes in the world. That vortex is like a huge antenna that broadcasts to the world.” How’s that for confirmation?
I HEART NY
I don’t like to think of myself as having a boss, or as anyone else being in charge of me, but I knew why Lady Liberty beckoned me back. I was ready for bigger things and she wanted to help me, and loves it when I help her. It’s not because I am a chosen one and I need to be here to save her, we are ALL gifts. It’s because I am so fired up by what I do that I need the help of the greatest guardians, and some of the most powerful energy of the world, and she supports that. I couldn’t do it by myself.
I am a New York baby, I am committed to this place, and I care about her deeply. And now that I have lived in Nature for two years, deeply in love with both a partner and the desert, my relationship to the bedrock here has evolved, softened, and matured. While I may be traveling, dare I say, even moving again, she is here for me now, exactly when I needed her most, as she has always been. And so I honor her, bow to her, serve her and thank her for this support.
POWER: WHY WE WANT IT, WHY WE RUN FROM IT
By CC Treadway
MANY OF US DESIRE POWER, BUT MOST OF US RUN FROM IT, WHY?
While in my healing training, and later in my practice, I heard student after student express that they wanted to be in their power, but were afraid that if they really got into it they would be killed, or they would do something horrible. I doubt there is a person out there that doesn’t, at some point, shake in their boots at the thought of their own success.
Power brings up images of total happiness, or total misery, of disagreeing with the authority or achieving a powerful position in our system, of being selfless in our actions, or of being greedy and controlling, of developing a huge heart, or of being heartless. It is duality at its finest, multiplied to the infinite power.
Childhood wounds play a big part in our fears, or our delusions of grandeur. We often keep ourselves small in a family to hold the tribe together. So, if being in your vibrant essence diminished your sister or mother and they somehow punished you for it, you might have decided that being invisible was a better option, but then fantasize about the day when you can be fully you again. The beliefs that create these roles can tap into the larger cultural belief and voila you have an automatic shut off valve when it comes to being seen in your fullness, and a powerful fantasy life about where you really should be.
I of course have experienced all these fears myself. I cant get angry about this because I think learning how to find and manage your power is one of the keys to successfully navigating the human landscape. I volunteered to come here, so I am willingly dealing with the landscape. Getting knocked down a few times is par for the course. The good news is, you can get back up if you really want to.
I wouldn’t be writing this article if this issue were not close to my heart. I have longed to be big my whole life, and had moments of grand applause, achievements and record setting. I have also been ridiculed, judged, teased, punished and put down for that power. Jealousy is normal, but my sensitive heart couldn’t stand it. Any time I upset someone when I was strong, or won the blue ribbon, I felt so guilty. I would try to bring myself down the status quo to be liked, which of course didn’t work. Then I hated myself and was bored with the company I kept. Over the years I stopped doing this, but it has been a journey of trial and error.
BUT WHY ARE WE SO AFRAID? LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.
Years ago, at the beginning of my private healing practice, I took it slow as far as the amount of clients I took on, but one day, I decided I wanted a full time practice. I told my guides, and they told me I should wait, but I didn’t listen. I put it out there to the universe, took a business course and within a few weeks I had brought my practice up to full time. I thought to myself, “Ha ha! I have outsmarted my guides!” Which, as we all know, is a ridiculous statement on the way to your personal train wreck.
But, how could I be wrong? I was so happy, loving what I was doing, making a difference in people’s lives. The joy! The calls just kept coming and I felt like I had arrived. And then one day, during a very busy day, a client was late and did not call. Without warning, I snapped. I was horrified that he could disrespect me like that, I was even more horrified that I was so horrified. When he finally did call, I was so out of sorts I didn’t answer.
Shaking and confused at my reaction, I had to ask, “What just happened?” But the reaction didn’t get any better, only worse. Over the coming weeks I was in a state of total meltdown. I was not used to the power and responsibility that came with so many new clients. My energy field was collapsing from overload. Every waking moment was spent thinking about my work, and even during my sleep I was still doing healing work on my clients. I felt completely taken over and out of control with no room for myself.
With my energy field now in a state of collapse I had nothing protecting me. My shadow aspects were being hit with unforgiving force and the only protection I had was raw, primal rage. My practice came to a screeching halt as I realized I was in over my head. The rage was nameless, and stayed with me in full force for almost 4 weeks until I finally surrendered in tears in the loving arms of my healer. I was so humbled by the strength of my defense, I didn’t even recognize myself and I certainly felt like a loser of a healer. Worse, I really didn’t know what was going on with me, why any of this was happening. There was a major mystery within my psyche I had to get to, but I felt very far from achieving that.
THE CURRENT OF EVIL
One night, during this time, as I was trying to go to sleep, which was almost impossible, I recognized that I was standing on the precipice of power. I saw power as a current of energy at the foot of my bed. At that moment I thought, “If I don’t stand in the current I’m going to miss the lesson.” I was scared to death to do it because I already was a raging, defenseless mess.
But when I stepped into it, I experienced a purity and strength I had never felt before. There was absolutely no emotion attached to this energy. I was invincible, and it was totally amazing. The best part? I had zero guilt, and knew that if I chose to stay in this energy the whole concept of having a conscience would disappear in a matter of minutes.
I stood in that current a bit longer and felt like waving my fist and shouting, “MUAAAH, the POWER!!” I knew then how it felt to be a cold and violent leader. I really did feel like some omnipresent God, in charge of everything. Because I was in rage when I stepped into that current, the energy turned to unfiltered Evil. Evil, I now believe, is a force in the universe of total purity, and it is not an accident. I don’t know why it was created, but it is there, and if we haven’t healed enough, we may go right there and stay there.
In that moment I understood how so many of the psychopathic leaders we have today must feel---nothing. Feeling nothing with all that power is a relief, the detachment is liberating. It was just like all those vampire movies and TV shows I inhale: I was the top of the food-chain, bloodthirsty, guilt free and drunk with power.
If you came from generations of unfeeling forefathers, or generations of pain and trauma never healed, you might choose The Current of Evil forever. I learned more in that 5 minutes than I could have imagined. But I made a decision right then, and that was that I would not return to that level of power until the love in my heart was stronger, and the unconscious rage had been healed. I stepped out of the vampire current, forever changed, knowing the journey ahead would be long, unpredictable, and possibly painful.
I did not trust myself for a long time and all but stopped my healing work. Over time I did discover the origin of the rage. The trauma took time and patience to reveal itself. The clearing of that trauma allowed the anger to be directed correctly, and then healing could take place. And then, guess what? I trusted myself again to come into my power!
We are afraid of our power because it is very, very strong. I truly believe, if our hearts are not as developed, if we are not grounded, if we are not smart enough, if we are not clear enough, we will use it unwisely. So if you are impatient with yourself, be patient instead and trust in your process.
BEING IN YOUR POWER IS VULNERABLE IF YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT
What about some of the other reasons to be scared of your power? Being in your power, and being a real leader is not easy these days, maybe it never was. When you amass personal power you often become the target of those who think what you are doing is wrong. Leaders, with all of their power, become the most projected on human beings alive.
The “people” can be cruel. To rise in power, you must develop a thick skin, whether you are Mother Theresa or George Bush. There is an expectation to be perfect, and that is a subjective request. I can see how the Current of Evil would be appealing if you have big dreams, or if big things are expected of you. Feeling too much is a liability when you have to be strong through other’s hate and/or adoration.
But that is the risk that humanity needs to take. I believe that not only do you need thick skin, but you need a jumbo-sized heart, because ultimately loving yourself will help you get through criticism, and love for others will help you hear the underlying messages in their complaints, and not reject those that may reject you.
Being in a leadership position and putting yourself out there requires that you be able to love yourself no matter what because people will attack you and they wont all like you. Strangers will talk about you like they know you and like you don’t have feelings. You have to be ready for this. Getting to the place where you can be in your power and in your heart, not separating out to stay on top or safe, but remaining grounded and in touch with the rest of the people is a skill very few leaders have.
That will be the main topic of Part Two of the Power Series: How to use the power current correctly for heart-based leadership.
LIVING YOUR LIFE PURPOSE AND THE LINE OF INTENTION
By CC Treadway
What kind of a person are you? Are you an idea person? Do you dream but not do? Or are you able to carry your visions forward and plant them deeply into the ground so they may grow into a tall tree, oxygenating the world around you? There are many factors as to why someone might not be able to carry out their vision in life including natal chart, childhood environment, trauma, lack of education, culture and more. But the good news is all of us are born with the tools to bring our great gifts to the world, some of us just haven’t found them yet.
If you are unable to carry out your amazing visions, if you feel unsupported in the world, or stuck in a dead end job, or worse, if you find that every time you venture out to live your dream it is somehow sabotaged then read on.
There are a million reasons why all of things might be happening, but they all can be overcome with the development of the line of intention. In my training, at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing (BBSH), it was called the Hara Line. But I tend to call it the line of intention in my practice. We developed this line all four years of school, and the fourth year was dedicated to mastering it.
THE LINE OF INTENTION
If you are unsure what a line of intention is, let me explain. Have you ever watched an Olympic gymnast on the balance beam not make a wobble? Line of intention. Have you witnessed a great martial artist kick butt with total certainty? Line of intention. Human mastery lies in the direct experience of this line. The line of intention is the key to bringing your desires into physical world, the key to overcoming addiction, self-sabotage, victimhood and limiting beliefs. When you strongly align with your intention, the universe lines up to make it happen.
I will explain it to you as it was explained to me at BBSH. This laser line of light, while mainly a state of being, runs “from the heavens to the earth through your body.” There are three main landing points within this line. One is about 6 inches above your head called the “ID Point.” This point holds the main purpose of your life and connects you to the spiritual worlds. The next point is between your throat and chest around the high heart area. It is called the “Soul Seat.” At this point lies your longings for this lifetime. Your dreams, your visions, your true soul desires are all anchored here. The next point lies two inches or so beneath your naval. This is called the “Tan Tien.” This point grounds you to the earth, and brings your purpose, dreams and longings into physical form.
When you are in your intention you are in a place of simply “being the intention.” In other words it is not about wishing, wanting or dreaming, but being the desire. It is a non-emotionless place, a place of unlimited energy, a place of stability, strength and self confidence.
Ever know someone who works well under pressure? They have a strong line of intention. The person who falls apart during times of stress will not have as strong of a line. You do not have to be smart, good or even highly educated to have a strong intention line, it is simply a state of being. Someone with a weak intention may see obstacles as insurmountable problems, or not be able to move past grief, while someone with strong intention knows there are solutions and works towards them.
Emotional baggage can keep us from manifesting, but setting a strong intention catalyzes the process of healing that baggage, so that we can become clear. Once clarity and alignment are reached, the force of intention is free to bring into reality that which you desire. Having a strong intention will see us through obstacles that may be in our way to achieving our dreams.
YOUR HIGHER SELF AND YOUR LIFE PURPOSE
As I mentioned, just above the head lies your main life purpose and your connection to spirit. This is also where the seat of consciousness of the Higher Self lies. Now, your Higher Self knows your life purpose intimately. Connecting with your Higher Self reunites you with your reason for being here. It begins to remove the illusion that separates you from Source. Channeling your Higher Self allows you to have access to far greater knowledge of not only your life plan, but the cosmic plan. To paraphrase Dolores Cannon: “The Higher Self/Oversoul knows everything. It knows why you are here, it knows about all your lifetimes, and it is connected to Source, allowing it the information to know the divine plan.”
Direct access to the life purpose is made with the connection to the Higher Self. The life purpose can be specific or it can be general. It can have an overriding theme of “service” or “the arts” or “finance”, and then all sorts of specifics underneath that, and then another layer of specifics under that that may or may not be played out.
There are many paths within a life purpose. Some people get stuck on “it has to be this one specific thing” the truth is, free will allows you to explore how you want to express the life purpose. It’s easy to plan how things are going to go, but rarely does everything go according to plan! Our natal charts lay out a map, but how you express and navigate your journey is up to you.
You can plan a trip to Hawaii and have all the details mapped out, but who knows how you will really feel once you get there. You could be led in many different directions. Or you may have booked your trip to Hawaii without much of a plan at all. The plan could simply be to enjoy what happens! You may have a clear agenda of learning to scuba dive so you can lead people on journeys. But the feeling of being in the water, having close contact with the animals and the depths of the sea instead inspires you to paint.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand that we are co-creating with our life plan all the time. We do have the power to re-negotiate and change things if our desires lead us to that place. What doesn’t work is doing something we hate because we think we should. If you are tapped in to your higher self and soul energy, which most spiritual people are, then doing what you hate will probably make you very sick if its not leading towards what you love.
FEELING INTO YOUR LONGINGS
Most people are afraid to fully feel their desires, dreams and longings. It makes your chest ache, you think it will never happen or you had it once and it left. It might just be too painful, or if you are like many people on the spiritual path, there is some image of eradicating desires as the superior path. But I urge you to fully feel your longings with every cell of your being.
I am always amazing at how much energy we spend trying to convince ourselves we don’t need something, or we shouldn’t need something. But engaging your emotional body in the process of living your purpose is where the yummies are at! The process of “eradicating desire” is an evolutionary path, like the Buddha achieved, not a forced practice based on a “should.” That just isn’t truthful. And if you are not truthful with yourself, nothing will move in the way you want.
There is also a lot of information in those dreams. Many times we don’t even know we are not living our truth until we take a moment to truly feel our longings with our hearts and souls. The tears flow as the sweet surrender to the desire takes over and informs us of where we would like to be.
I spent a lot of time trying to force myself to have a large healing practice, but every time I truly let myself feel into it, I was happy keeping it small. What I really wanted was time and space for myself to be creative.
Getting your emotional body on board will help with the alignment process, making it much easier for the universe to line it all up for you!
CONNECTING IT ALL TO EARTH
Grounding is important for so many reason. You could think about bringing your purpose and your longings deep into the Earth as a planting process. If you allow action in the physical realms, your dreams will grow. You need to take care of your plants, water them, put them in the right environment and wait until they are rip to eat them. Then you can make delicious recipes or just eat them fresh. So many choices!!
Many people envision their dreams going into the earth, but then forget the part where they need to get into action. It’s easy to get lost in setting your intention and feeling your longings but then never actually do anything about it! Action inspires confidence in yourself and in your body. Action gets you out there in the world making it much easier for the universe to meet you half way.
ALIGNING WITH YOUR LIFE PURPOSE MAKES YOU STRONG
When we are in alignment with our life purpose, manifesting becomes very easy. I wouldn’t even call it manifesting because that would imply a separation, it’s just being in the zone. There is way more energy pointing to the success of our life purpose than against it. That doesn’t mean there won’t be obstacles. There could be many obstacles, and it is your line of intention that carries you through the obstacles. When you hit your point of doubt, you simply take a moment to realign with your path and you will start to understand what is going on and be able to get out of it easily.
When clients get aligned with their life purpose everything begins to make sense. It’s that knowing. The feeling of alignment is strong, making it easy to get into action. When you know you are on the right path, you are more willing to make mistakes!! Making mistakes is an essential part of the school of earth, and seeing obstacles as challenges that can be overcome instead of signs that you shouldn’t move forward is a huge role of the line of intention.
Sometimes when I am channeling my Higher Self I get very clear answers, and sometimes I just get the next step that will lead me to the answer. Either way is fine, because every time I talk with my higher self, I connect with my life purpose on an energetic level. There is a feeling, or a knowing I am doing the right thing and connected.
Earth can be difficult, but if you remember why you came, and if you carry out that purpose, you will be happy. When you allow the vibration of the Life Purpose to infuse your line of intention to the core of the earth, then life starts to work out for you.