I love my life. Because things are opening up, and when I say opening, I mean the gates have opened wide and they are engulfing me and I am surrendering to the ecstasy of belonging and of being fully loved.
Valentines day has never been a big deal to me, because I began my adulthood with a healthy dose of teenage cynicism, but this last week has been nothing short of miraculous, with the energy of love so completely overtaking me that I wonder if the universal arrow of Eros did not shoot its blissful arrow right to me.
Not by accident, one of my friends, and ceremony leader, Kathi von Koerber, arranged that I stay at her place in Brooklyn upon my return to New York, and that I room with her friend Luba Evans, a Tantric teacher originally from Russia.
Luba, a wild, generous and industrious goddess was a pleasure from the start. She and I became fast friends and last week she asked me to channel for her. She was in the middle of writing a play with all of the Hindu Gods, quite an undertaking, and she wanted to speak directly to the Gods. No biggie. In these situations I can only say I will give it a go.
As I began to open the channel, I already felt different than “usual.”
We began with an energy called “The Dancer,” of course it was Shiva. Quick, purposeful and powerful, Shiva almost knocked my socks off. Shiva answered questions pertaining to Luba’s creative process and dancing the spaces in between the story, the characters and the arcs, but the energy kept getting more and more intense. I was having a hard time remaining in my body, which is unusual because I tend towards staying present.
As the energy intensified in the room, Luba began asking about creation. Not the easy questions, but the questions like “Why do we exist?” My brain was trying not to freak out when she asked the great questions of life, because of course I desperately want to know myself and I had no idea how I was going to transmit such mysteries.
Shiva encouraged us to surrender deeper and deeper into the unknown, until in through great black void she came...The Goddess, The All That Is, the great Master of Mystery herself, unfiltered and completely expressed. With each influx of energy I was reborn, recreated to embody the answers, I became the explosion of creation as I was channeling the concepts. This was awesome, by the way, because every time this happened, swirling orgasms ran through me, apparently a new perk of the job. I also wanted to cry, to laugh, to throw up and to fall over, but all in ecstasy.
Luba, such a master, sat there with calm knowing, like she had seen this all before. At one point in her husky Russian accent she asked,
“Can we stand outside of Creation?”
That’s when the energy came pouring through me like a river of love. It took me several minutes to gain enough composure to talk. If I hadn't been so concerned with Luba as my client, I would have been on the floor in a continuous rapture of ecstasy for the rest of the night. After some time of laughing, I was able to speak as the Goddess and she said,
“Yes, but only for a moment, because the love affair, the LOVE AFFAIR between the Creator and the Creation is so profound that the two could never be separate for long. The Creation stretches to meet the Creator, and the Creator runs into the arms of the Creation and they are joined once more in ecstatic love.”
Oh, the homecoming of those words, duality dissolved in an instant as I was in complete embodiment. Those words have flowed through me all week, pleasure at her every turn, magic around her every corner, a smile plastered on my face as I know we are all HERE, we are all the GOD/DESS, we are all within Creation and outside of Creation loving ourselves more and more with each impulse and expansion of life. We are larger than life, larger than our imaginations for a split second and we are also the tiniest, most adorable, most beloved babies completely enraptured in each other’s love.
“This love affair is the essence of Tantra,” said my new friend Luba.
Happy Valentines Day,