THE TIMELESSNESS OF TRADITION
By CC Treadway
www.treadwayesoteric.com

Creating sacred space is one of those things that all lightworkers and healers should know about. I had excellent training at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, but that program deemphasizes lineage and tradition to create a clean slate for people all backgrounds to come in and learn. Therefore, during that time, I was not yet connected to the ancient tradition of things like calling in the seven directions. Before each healing session, I would set my intention, call in my guides, angelic protection and get to healing. This worked OK, but after traveling with Drunvalo Melchizedek from country to country and tribe to tribe, I began to notice that traditional ceremonial format was very powerful and very effortless. I started to scratch my head, “Why was doing these simple things so effective?”

During our final ceremony with Drunvalo in Easter Island last February, we made a medicine wheel. It wasn’t a very big medicine wheel, although it was a very big ceremony. We were turning on the Christ Grid.  Drunvalo said, “Mother Earth will recognize us and know we are here as soon as we make the medicine wheel. The medicine wheel has been used by the indigenous forever!” I thought that was pretty cool, although it wasn’t the time for more questions since we were about to save the world….again!

The ceremony went off without a hitch, which was amazing after going through the two weeks that lead up to it. No matter what happened before, and what would happen after, during the ceremony we were protected.

When I got home I decided to give it a whirl. I began to make medicine wheels in my apartment during my personal ritual and calling in the directions before a day of healing work. What a difference!!! I had the support of the elements and energies of Earth as well as the energies of the Universe and Guides. I also had the support of my ancestors and the animal kingdom. My energy levels rose and I felt recognized by Creator in my healing. It was so easy, I could feel that thousands of years of performing this simple act had embedded the ritual into the fabric of the Universe.

I had to know more.

We spend most of our time out of sacred space. Even if we live a very sacred lifestyle, sacred space is something all together different. In sacred space miracles can happen easily and effortlessly. This is because the energy changes, and we leave the realm of linear time and step into the Infinite. Creator is close and cause and effect gives way to immediacy.

I really wanted to see even more clearly, what happens when we call in the directions. So I turned on my 3rd eye and took a peek. As I called in each direction I saw a force field of energy come and form an energetic barrier on each side of me. I stood in the center, as the circle was cast, and was shown that I was standing in the place of no time. You could almost think of it as the universe moves like a hurricane, then all the sudden, at your command, you create a sphere of space that is completely still, unaffected by this movement, almost like Moses parting the Red Sea, and almost like being the eye of the storm. You are standing as the center, you are the center of the universe; out of time, out of harms way and in a controlled environment. You are at once totally still and moving much faster than the eye could see. You become undetectable. Even Verizon Wireless couldn’t find you there. It’s invite only, so only those beings that you invoke can enter. It’s a pretty cool place to be.

When you do spirit work, your chakras open wide, your auric field expands to perceive dimensions beyond the 3D, and you become accessible to those dimensions as well. Which way would you rather open: In a controlled, safe and sacred environment or without any protection? Literally it’s like everyone on the streets of New York City running up to you grabbing your arm or asking something of you. I’ve personally experienced that and can tell you it’s not as fun as it sounds. I hear you lovey-dovey types saying, “I want to open anywhere any time,” and I say, “Good for you, have your own experience.” I’m just sharing what I have learned.

THE DIRECTIONS

Imagine how much more powerful and immediate your healing work is when supported by the forces of nature, with no distractions from the outside world. The whole universe lines up for you and your intention. This process should not be taken lightly, but respected for the power it offers.

I call upon the South, West, North, East, Below, Above and the Center in a clockwise manner to create my circle. I call upon my ancestors, guides, Higher Self, angels, elementals, power animals, and all my relations on Earth. Each direction has its purpose, its personality, its element and its gift. Rather than tell you exactly how to do it, I encourage you to attend ceremonies and receive it live. The process varies from tradition to tradition and finding what resonates for you makes it real. Indigenous peoples of all races have used this so don’t think because you are not Native American that you don’t have the right to access it. The Celts practice it as well as Pagans and Wiccans.

When you have finished your ceremony or healing work, you need to release the directions in a counter clockwise manner and close sacred space. This is because the sacred space needs your intention to maintain its integrity. If you just leave the space hanging after you are done, then it can get energetically messy. Over time it will probably correct itself, but there is the danger of opening up energetic holes. Also, you need to let your guests go home. One might call it disrespectful that you never officially let them out!

I continually find through my own experience that the methods used for thousands of years by our indigenous peoples have real merit in their present day application. These methods have been kept secret for a long time, but as we reclaim them, their wisdom is effortlessly revealed to us, welcoming us home to our power, our connectedness and our truth.

(c ) CC Treadway 2009-10. All rights reserved.

USING THE ENERGY BODY TO HEAL
By CC Treadway
www.treadwayesoteric.com

In the last article I went into the importance of dealing with the pain of abandonment. In this article I will go into more detail with the chakra system of the healing process.

The most important thing about healing abandonment is that you have to admit you have a problem. Many people are defending against this pain so much that they cannot even get to it. But if you continually feel empty, like you need to fill a void with something, you have an abandonment wound. An abandonment wound can lead you to substance abuse, to emotional detachment, inability to commit in relationship or over-dependence on another to give meaning to your own life. Its actually easier to heal a wound that manifests as dependence, than avoidance, because at least an emotionally codependent person is in touch with their feelings, admitting they have needs. The avoider will deny they have any needs, and will simply bypass the emotional body by filling the space immediately. They reject people, but at the same time have a very difficult time letting anyone out of their life completely. It’s torturous on the person semi-rejected. It is also possible to swing back and forth between these two types.

Dean Ramsden (deanramsden.com), founder of Relational Energy Healing, has taught me a lot about this wounding and how it is reflected in the energy field. To paraphrase him:

During the formation of the second chakra, the child is supposed to be modeled its own self. When a parent abandons, or does not nurture and reflect the child’s individuality, the child makes the decision to release its energy from its body and merge with the parent, beginning a life long pattern of meeting the parent’s needs to feel itself. It therefore merges its identity with the parent.

Hence, codependence. If this pattern continues through life then the codependent will look at itself or its partner as a parent, and not be able to feel its own self unless it is merged in the relationship. Loss of the relationship can be devastating, and recovering the sense of self may take a lot of time and patience. Whereas a healthy person will recover from the breakup in the normal phases, a person who has suffered this wounding may never recover, but carry that pain with them through their life, never daring to enter into another relationship, or continually entering relationships that do not satisfy or nurture, but rewound. They may also hang on to the memory of the last relationship in an effort to avoid the total loss of self.

Many people just do not want to admit they do this, and would rather stay in blame. You know the type, the one that constantly talks about the horrible things their ex did to them, and how they were the victim. They also may never leave the relationship and just complain about it for the rest of their lives. While its normal to learn from relationships and blame can come into the picture, it should be a phase that ends, giving way to self-responsibility and healing.

What I find in the spiritual communities, is that in order to avoid dealing with this, we “spiritualize” the relationship. “He’s a soulmate!” “A psychic told me we would be together forever, so I have to stay with him.” “I need to finish my karma with her.” All of these things may be true, but healing it will require addressing some basic psychological and emotional stuff, as well as some mastery in the energy realm.

A codependent, or anyone who feels the pain of abandonment, is ready to heal when they get tired of blame, sink into the misery of the pain, and ask for help. I do believe the 12 step programs are very good and often recommend clients go there. But I also believe there are things that a trained energy healer can do to speed up the process of healing, provided the client is ready and willing.

USING CHAKRA SYSTEM IN HEALING PROCESS

While it is necessary to work with all the chakras in any healing process, I will go specifically into chakras two and three.

Redevelopment of Second Chakra: “I Recognize Myself”

While all the chakras will be addressed in any healing process, the second chakra is usually the main player at first. This chakra never learned how to experience its own self and have it be reflected in the world. That sucks!!!

This is what I do with my clients, although I want to give Dean Ramsden and another great healer, Joy Adler (joyadler.com), the credit they deserve for teaching me most of it. And back to their teachers, Barbara Brennan, Rosalyn Bruyere and on and on. I call it energy modeling. I sit with my client and ask them to feel their own self. I assist them by helping them find a time in their life, or a place where they felt totally safe to be themselves. 100% of the time these clients choose a time where they are alone. That’s because truthfully, they have never experienced their true self in the company of another. I ask them to recognize how this feels in their body. When they are feeling all warm and fuzzy, I remind them of my presence. Almost immediately their field shifts into their habitual pattern: their energy leaves their own body and comes towards me. But I do something different than what they are used to. I put up an energy boundary and do not take in their energy and merge. For some clients this can be very scary. It feels like rejection. But what they see over time is that I am not rejecting, I am actually staying in loving witness mode for their essence. I coach them to bring their energy back into their system and take in the reflection I am offering without trying to take my energy.

Almost always this is a huge awakening. It was for me the first time it was done for me. The difference is, instead of the excitement and rush of merging with another or the child trying through its habitual way to get love it always wanted from the parent, the feeling is just getting to be yourself. Now for some people this is a huge adjustment of thought, “What fun is that? How will I know if I like them if I do not feel a huge intense bolt of lightening?” Dean once asked me, “Are you confusing intensity with love?” Perhaps...

For a healthy, long lasting relationship, getting to be yourself is the most important element. The love that grows from this healthy foundation is solid, lasting and exiting in a whole new way.

Redevelopment of Third Chakra: “I Respect Myself”

The third chakra has a lot to do with willpower. If you do not have a healthy sense of self, and self respect, then your third chakra will probably need a lot of work. The front aspect of the third chakra can be about your self-respect and how you give to others. The back is about your self-care, how you give to yourself. Some people have very large third chakras in the front, and teeny weeny ones in the back. This is usually because they are caretaking others…to avoid facing abandonment. They easily allow others to hook into their energy and become drained when they give. This can be a conundrum because giving in itself feels good, but when it is done from a place of caretaking, it is draining to the field. Then the caretaker will inevitably need to recharge either with solitude or by draining someone else’s field.

It is very difficult for people with distorted third chakras to say no. Learning good boundaries is essential for recovery. Reconstructing the third chakra and teaching someone how to give and receive from Source is a huge part of the healing process. For someone with addiction problems, healing third chakra issues is essential for developing healthy self-esteem and willpower. I have witnessed addicts literally lose all sense of self and willpower when they are around others who are involved in addictive behaviors. Their third chakras get large, lose their form and they get totally caught up in the group field of “the addict,” no longer able to experience their own self or thoughts. Like a robot they end up using again. The 12 step programs insist that recovering addicts surround themselves with healthy environments and there is deep wisdom in that. It takes doing that over and over to retrain the emotional and energetic bodies to respond to people and environments that are truly beneficial.

Briefly, here is some of the work that gets done with the other chakras:

First chakra: “I have enough.” Deeply connecting with Mother Earth, healing root cords to birth parents. Feeling safe, supported and taken care of on Earth.
Fourth chakra: “I am filled.” Feeling safe to really love, feeling safe enough to feel heartbreak and childhood wounds. Experiencing Divine Love in relationships.
Fifth chakra: “I trust.” Learning to receive, trust Divine, and dropping control in relationships and life.
Sixth chakra: “I see the truth.” Replacing projected thoughts with truth. Seeing through the veil of truth as opposed to childhood wounds. Creating from that truth.
Seventh chakra: “I am the Divine.” Grounding Divine energies into body. Being strong enough to face real pain of Divine separation and not “spiritual bypass.” Learning true Divine Connection as a human.

APPLYING THESE CONCEPTS TO BIGGER PICTURE

Right now humanity is being deeply tested as it goes through major transition and a worldwide economic collapse. I thank Creator every day for the lessons that people, including myself, are learning, difficult as they are. We are a people dependent upon relationship systems that are no longer functioning. On a grand scale, our dependence on the “system” is just a big codependent relationship. And we have all said, on some level, “Enough! I want my power! I want real love, I want my life to be based on truth!” It does say on the dollar bill, “In God We Trust.” That is where we are headed. And it’s a wonderful process.

Breaking our dependency on the “system” is like breaking our dependency on anything that doesn’t serve us: Exciting, terrifying, uncertain, destabilizing, hopeful. It’s a major breakup, and for some a major heartbreak. It is not easy. It certainly hasn’t been easy for me. You don’t have to lose all your money to feel what is happening, because it’s not about money, it’s about healing a massive, unhealthy codependency and coming into deep love and trust. It will require a leap of faith into the abandonment abyss to inevitably be caught in the arms of the Divine.

Despite all the conspiracy theories out there, and the massive Earth changes that could occur, I believe what comes next is a better system. We are coming together as a planet to create a system that works for Earth and for us… and I am on board.

(c) CC Treadway 2009-10. All rights reserved.

By CC Treadway
www.treadwayesoteric.com

Abandonment.

For those of us who have experienced this most intense of all wounds, we know how serious it is. In this time of great economic change, of the fear of scarcity, of losing our homes and our jobs, facing abandonment is more important than ever. I have found in my practice that when it comes down to it, everyone is dealing with abandonment, whether it comes in the form of the fear of rejection, the habitual pattern of love avoidance or good old fashioned codependency and love addiction. From my observations, even those that claim to not experience it really do, it’s just more shrouded. What is so heartbreaking to see is the judgment and shame that people place on it, not knowing that their reactions are normal. It hurts to be left, but we usually internalize the rejection, making ourselves wrong and unlovable. The good news is that this universal wound is actually something manageable and healable.

One of my biggest teachers has been the abandonment wound. Coming clean with myself about it and lifting the judgment around it has been one of the most powerful healing responses for both my clients and myself. I continue to grow and learn from it. The fact is codependency is the model we are given for relationship, so its not just the super wounded who need to look at it. However, people who have had early childhood abandonment or abuse will have a more difficult time coping with it as an adult, and yet their system will be patterned for it, so they may find they are reliving brutal rejection and mistreatment time after time, with no tools and no hope to recover or change. Some events that can trigger this old and unhealed wound are a breakup, a death, being fired, a friendship suddenly ending or an intimate partner or friend who is emotionally unavailable. As a healer and a human, I wanted to dive as deeply into the healing of this wound as I could.

Years ago, after experiencing it so many times, I completely devoted myself to healing it. I was sick of feeling awful and powerless. I spent five full months tracking when feelings of abandonment would surface. Sometimes it was triggered by an event as simple as saying goodbye to a friend after a movie, other times it would just come over me with no warning. Mostly it was triggered by the loss of a relationship and what that said about my ability to trust myself, and as it turned out, God. When you get hit by that wound, the mildest reaction is just feeling a bit of sad, lonely discomfort. The most intense reaction is that you feel as though you are completely lost and alone and you must be fed by an external source to survive, addictive feelings begin to control you. It feels like there is nothing supporting you, and nothing to fall back on. It feels like every person in your life doesn’t love you enough or the right way. You begin to try and control your environment and monitor other’s behaviors. It is unhealed child consciousness at its strongest. You must find a primary care giver or you will die. That is the intensity of the emotion. Sick of trying to cover it up, I finally had to surrender to the experience. I wanted to know just how much it was controlling me. I knew that I would be healing it on a deeper level rather than just applying coping mechanisms, or talking myself out of it.

The material I used at that time to get to the core of the wound was a very devastating breakup. One I was having a difficult time moving on from. I just could not heal it and I was mystified that I couldn’t. I felt an emptiness and hopelessness inside that was unending and inconsolable. Taking responsibility for and confronting the abandonment wound is saying that you are willing to face your deepest fear, your deepest pain. While many things happened in my life to assist in healing this pain, it was my unyielding commitment to the process that brought that about.

In those moments where the pain would hit me, I would just sit with myself as the adult, caring witness. I found myself in a deep, black abyss of nothing. It was petrifying at first. And then my child consciousness would appear, crying her eyes out. At the same time that my child consciousness suffered, blamed and cried, my adult consciousness would witness with infinite love, patience and understanding. I had to be strong. I did this again and again and again. One time I had to do it for almost three days straight. It was not easy at all, in fact one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I did not let my child take over by affecting my adult behavior. I did not let her “go to the empty well for a drink” as my healer would say. The empty well would be something like trying to get attention from my ex-boyfriend, even if it was ultimately unsatisfying and hurtful. It would have been reaching for ice cream, or talking on the phone non-stop, or not taking responsibility and blaming him. For others it might be drugs, cigarettes or meaningless sex. Without those vices, I found myself getting to the ultimate wounds- first, abandonment by parents and all the psychology around that, and then inevitably, abandonment by God. That pain was the core, it was unbearable, it was gut wrenching. I felt I had been rejected and betrayed by God, that I didn’t matter at all, the pain was excruciating. I had no choice but to sit with those feelings, to really feel them, to let them out, to hear them.

I sat with this pain a lot. I wanted to be completely unafraid of it. And after some time it was enough. A huge relief washed over me. It was like the weight of the world lifted out of me, making room for the warm, comforting presence of the Divine. It happened automatically, with no preconceived idea that it would. I was overjoyed and felt so cared for. I could feel God within me, filling me, healing me. That was what I really wanted. The abandonment abyss is what most people are doing anything to avoid, but the truth is, if you face it, it passes. And once you get through it, it gets easier and easier.

Now, the interesting thing is that abandonment has become my ally. Whenever it gets triggered, and it still gets triggered, an instant self love reaction takes place. I had no idea this would happen. Each time I am able to touch deeper parts of the beloved within. The best part is that it’s no one else’s responsibility, so I’ve got the power. In these difficult economic times we are all being challenged. Not only are we feeling our own fear, but we are feeling the fear of the world. Trusting that we are loved and cared for in the midst of this chaos takes this practice to a whole new level. It’s challenging, but it’s the only way I know to feel safe.

The other great thing about abandonment is creativity. The best tool we can have right now is our creativity. We will need it to navigate the new world. As our dependency on a corrupt system is crumbling, we need to create the new. Songs, writing, drawing, new business based on love…. all can fill up that seemingly empty void and there is enough for all. This channeling from my guide team describes how abandonment and creativity are linked.

Abandonment Is a Creative Tool

You hold a lot of power as you honor yourself, as you love all parts of yourself. For so long you have tried to eradicate abandonment and now what you are doing is just simply letting go of the idea that it is wrong, it is a gift of story for you as a human, it is a great teacher and there is infinite space and colors in the wound of abandonment. Can you feel the limitless possibilities of creation in the space of abandonment? Can you feel that within yourself - how profound a feeling it is to sit in that space of longing, of emptiness, of pain that seems to stretch as wide as you could possibly fee? Well it is no accident, it is Creators choice, your choice to experience this pain and create within it. There are so many possibilities in life but this vacancy is the abyss. This vacancy is the abyss. And so as you bring forth your creations in this void of voids, you heal, you make more room for yourself, for your expansion, for your colors, for your music, and as you bring in the creativity, divine love pours from your soul, reminding you of who you are, reminding you that this is all temporary and it is a gift. For creativity is divine. It is direct food, the elixir of your being. Feel the gratitude for such a unique expression of who you are, for such a deep experience of your fullness, your completeness in the vacancy. Do not fear this place, but use it now. Use it to heal. For you understand now, that it is not just there to torture you but to serve you into your highest potential. The abandonment wound opens up limitless space for your creations, for you. You can bring in the love, let it shower the pain, let it heal the pain, but only when you accept that this emptiness, this loneliness is there as a gift to serve you as a human can you experience the joy of being abandoned, only to discover you are more than you were before. I know what you are thinking, “How could that be joyful?” but we tell you, humanity is just simply irreplaceable, impossible to replicate, it’s perfect. Thank yourself for choosing this crazy pain, this crazy bliss and create within it.

So the next time you feel someone has left you, the next time you feel you need someone else to fill that empty hole, make it bigger, make that pain as big and wide as you can and start to create. Fill it up, paint the canvas, pick up the guitar, cook a meal, or simply feel every particle of your being expand. This is experiential, you must try it. There is purpose in every experience here. Don’t waste it. Let it fill you, let it be you, choose it again and again, every day. Choose your creative longing to expand within. Choose your humanity. Be proud of who you are, even in your darkest moments you are so brave to live this challenge. We sit in awe of your strength, of your efforts, of your potential.


In Part Two I will go deeper into the chakra system and how it relates to abandonment. I will share some energetic modeling tools that can be immediately applied to heal the wound and talk more specifically about creating in the new world.

(c) CC Treadway 2009-10. All rights reserved.

FIVE TIPS TO HELP SPIRITUAL TYPES FIND AND KEEP LOVE!
By, CC Treadway
www.treadwayesoteric.com

How can I sink deeper into this life experience? How can I feel my self as Nature herself and wake up each morning in her arms?

This is the question I asked myself each day as I longed for a partner at the same time. I would call it the intimacy with life. The longing for relationship is connected to this longing, of returning to the essence of life. And so, as I would beg and plead the universe for both a partner and this intimacy with life, I was given the opportunity to heal all that I needed to have both.

For the spiritual person, the connection to Spirit is unarguably the most important thing. But learning to ground all that spiritual energy in the physical reality is the mission. Feeling God on Earth, for me is the point. Were we to just be our spiritual energy we wouldn’t have incarnated. There is purpose to this physical and often painful life. The sooner that is understood and embraced the sooner those of us perpetually-homesick-for -Source types can be happy here.

Our longing to bring Source into the physical matches the longing for relationship. Relationship will teach us, whether we like it or not, how to be physical. There is sex for one: pure union of the Divine with two bodies, and sometimes, just plain ol’ sex. There are “shared finances” which requires one to step out of denial and deal. There is cultivating the relationship on the emotional level. Our shadow sides are revealed and the most perfect spiritual people are two years old throwing a temper tantrum! “What just happened? We know better!” But we don’t. We have to go through it and learn, step by step, how to bring all that wise spiritual energy into this dense, primordial form, and into the sacred space of relationship. It’s challenging, it’s humbling, it’s worth it.

A few years ago, I thought I had found this intimacy with life in a partner. This kind of all consuming love embraced my cells like I imagined God would if “he” ever found me. This man was my heroin. He took me in and spit me out over and over as dramatically as if I were shooting up. The tragic heartbreak that ended that relationship sent me into the deepest emptiness I’ve ever known. I was a junky who’s drug had disappeared and I needed to clean up. In that bottomless abandonment pain I allowed God in. How does the heart recover and find love again? How do we reconcile our spiritual ideals with our human condition? It’s a conundrum, and sometimes it just plain sucks. If this resonates, please read this article “The Abandonment Abyss” for a thorough explanation.

Let me share with you a little about what it took me to heal and bring in a partner, while suggesting what I think are good tips for entering into a partnership. There’s no formula, but there are definitely some tips that I have found to really help people.

Tip #1
USE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Spiritual people cannot deny their spiritual connection, but it must lead us deeper into life, not further away into fantasy. When I had my heart broken, and everyone has their own version of that, I lost faith. I lost faith in my ability to know what was right for me, I lost faith in my healers who didn’t foresee this outcome and save me from it. I lost faith in Spirit. It was horrible. My whole system for the way I lived my life broke down. I just wanted to be alone in my apartment, doing my healing work or with very good friends. I decided to further develop my channeling abilities. I wanted my guidance to be foolproof so this would never happen again. That may seem unreasonable, but I was very serious. I tirelessly channeled every day for two years. I got good. I had almost a100% accuracy with my personal channelings. I learned to trust myself because I had courageously brought in my spiritual connection to the physical form. Following my “gut” or “reading the signs” always lead me in the wrong direction. Really. I had to admit I didn’t know what I was doing. My Higher Self’s romantic guidance was almost always in complete opposition to my “instincts” which I now know were just unhealed childhood trauma energy.

Every time I had a new man interest I would run my choice by my Higher Self and guide team. For two years they said “No” to every one. I’m not kidding. But they assured me one day I would be interested in the right type of person, and would, on occasion give me glimpses into who he was. They coached me on healing my abandonment pain, they helped me get out of needing a definite outcome and living life day to day. They helped me build my healing practice and be filled by my life. They helped me shift enough to leave Manhattan and move to Sedona.

In the case of trying to move out of New York, nothing was working out. There was no prospective work in Sedona, I couldn’t sell or sublet my apartment and the economy was tanking. My longing was screaming at me to go. I wanted nature, community and romance, but there was nothing making it easy for me, no signs. I figured I must be mistaken and I should stay in New York. But one day my Higher Self told me I better pack up my things and go by December 18th – which was two weeks away. I was so mad but I did it. Financially, I don’t think I have ever made a worse decision, but I was wiling to do what it took to change my life. While I was filled to the brim with the Divine, I was so sick of my human solitude. I left and within days of landing was seeing my new partner.

Let me be clear, when I met him, my gut said, “No way. Too many issues.” I thought by now I had figured it out, but I channeled about him just to be sure, and was completely surprised when it was suggested to give him a chance. In fact, he got a glowing recommendation. I really thought my guide team was messing with me. But as the weeks went by I was proved wrong. I had met a truly kind man, dedicated to growth, dedicated to relationship and crazy about me. Not only that I was hiking every day and relaxing in Mother Nature’s arms -I was/am living my dream.

So, while I was avoiding social contact because of my pain, I was using my safety net, my spiritual connection, to my advantage. Sometimes you just have to admit where you are clueless as a human being to allow a higher power to help you. I changed my whole life to have the kind of relationship and lifestyle I had been dreaming of for over 10 years.


Tip #2
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP

If you keep making the same mistakes over and over in relationship but still wake up every day aching for it, get help from a professional, experienced relationship therapist or healer- not just a psychic or best friend! If a healer tells you they can deprogram all your blocks to relationship in one session I would politely excuse yourself. There’s no guaranteed timeline for success, but working with a specialist will make it a lot faster. Be willing to admit you might have codependency, love addiction, love avoidance or some other “diagnosable” issue that can be addressed and healed practically. Believe me if you knew what you were doing you would be in a happy relationship already. Before finding the right therapist I removed curses, deprogrammed beliefs, cut cords, retrieved soul parts, yadayadayada. I’d probably do it all again, but not until I dealt with psychological issues did I actually stop making the same mistake that destroyed every past relationship.

I am in deep gratitude for those professionals who helped me. I went around for years defending my run of the mill emotional issues with spiritual grandeur. When I finally was ready to give that up, it was relatively quick process. I was codependent, I had a big abandonment wound, no biggie, most people do. But all the healings in the world were not going to teach me to do it differently. I needed someone very skilled with these issues. As a very spiritual person, I worked with highly experienced relationship therapists who were also energy savvy. I learned basic relationship tools and skills, what to look for, what my downfall was, how to attract the right person and concrete exercises to heal codependency. In the meantime, there was no shortage of magical healings in my life to help with the process. While I mess up all the time in my relationship, it’s no longer a soap opera. Since doing that work, relationship is emotionally manageable.

Tip #3
BE WILLING TO STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

Your comfort zone is keeping you stuck in your pattern. Your comfort zone is so safe and yummy you don’t even know you should step out of it! What you are afraid of is precisely what you need to do to have a more intimate life. My comfort zone was my perfect apartment, my perfect career and my solitary spiritual life. It was an incredibly controlled environment. I really didn’t know what life looked like without it, but I deeply felt it existed and that’s where I should be.

Leaving a successful career to live a simple life in Nature in the middle of Arizona would be at best a stupid decision and at worst a complete betrayal, according to my father. So, just so I would really get the lesson, a few months after moving to Sedona, my back completely went out and I could not walk for almost a month. The pain was worse than anything I had ever known. It took me three hours each morning of screaming to get to the bathroom. My financial situation went from terrible to catastrophic. My perfect credit was destroyed, I couldn’t pay my mortgage because I couldn’t work, had spent everything on moving and my subletter defaulted on the rent. I was in too much pain to channel and I was in culture shock. The qualities that were respected in New York were rejected in Sedona. Stressed would be too mild of a concept for what I was experiencing. What a crash course for this independent New Yorker. I was dependent emotionally, financially and physically on other people. It was hell. I had no home, no career, no spiritual life, no control, but I had a man!! I had to laugh (after crying…a lot), my life had done a complete 180.

One thing I have noticed about not having money is that it can bring you closer to Nature. I wouldn’t say its necessary to be broke to do that but it has stimulated us to grow our own food and learn to fish. This makes me feel very connected and very supported. I brought in a man who spent almost two years living in the woods, so I am learning a lot! I am almost never alone now. I’m learning to count on being provided for by people, by nature, by partnership as well as by me. Whether I like it or not I am breaking my dependency on the system, and the system is crashing, so I think it’s a good thing. At the same time the universe is beginning to support my commitment to my new life. My apartment finally sold, work opportunities are popping up and my back is healing.

Tip #4
DROP YOUR EXPECTATIONS THAT A RELATIONSHIP WILL BRING YOU BACK HOME TO SOURCE

That’s a lot of pressure. Chances are you will have to have that experience before bringing in a partner. If your partner is responsible for bringing you to Source, what happens if they leave? Horrendous, inconsolable pain! Either Ester Hicks (Abraham) or my Higher Self once said, “Your partner is not your source for Source. Source is your source for Source.” Your longing for relationship will bring you back to Source before you meet someone. Then it becomes less important that they give you that. If you know how to get there, and your partner knows how to get there, being there together will happen naturally. Be willing instead to have relationship bring you out of Source. It’s how you manage being disconnected that shows the true colors of a relationship.

By the time I met my partner, I was united with the Divine. I had reached that place of feeling fulfilled, but still desiring partnership. It was my search for this partner that got me there and my trust in the Divine that made me leave my NYC life with two weeks notice.

Tip #5
STOP VISUALIZING AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Meditating, visualizing and manifesting exercises are all good. Then get out of the house and go somewhere where there will be actual men or women who share common interests. You need practice in relating with the opposite sex, and you need to create opportunities to meet someone. If you know you are socially uncomfortable, then do things that make it easier for you. One of the reasons I moved to a smaller town is because I have a hard time with city social environments. I know that if I run into the same person over and over I will easily get to know them, whereas if I just meet them once at a crowded party I might shut down and kill any follow up potential. I need my environment to make it easy for me. Not everyone is like that. I have this friend who is a social master. Plop her anywhere and she has friends, love interests and business contacts. She always amazes me. Be realistic about who you are and what you need. Make it easy on yourself, but don’t stay home every night.

If you want a spiritual guy, make it easy on your guide team by going places the opposite sex will be: sweat lodges, meditation groups, any spiritually oriented event. But make sure you go to the kind that the opposite sex will be at. So for women who want men, go to spiritual events that involve masculine energy: anything physical, earthy or aggressive like the martial arts. For men go to the feelings circles, yoga or movement classes. You get the idea. Then get used to the idea that your partner will actually be of the opposite sex and unless you are gay you will have to deal with that ongoingly! As I mentioned in the last article, understanding the polarity issues are key in any relationship, spiritual or not.

Well I hope this sharing has helped some of you!! Sometimes I feel funny handing out advice, but I know I was so grateful to receive it when I did. My relationship is a day-by-day experiment with no guaranteed outcome, but I’m in the game and it’s fun. Good luck to all you romantics, if I can do it, you can too!

(c) CC Treadway 2009-10. All rights reserved.

FOUR PITFALLS THAT LEAD TO LONELINESS
by CC Treadway
www.treadwayesoteric.com

Ah yes, we get to a certain level of evolution of our selves and we say, “No more of this 3-D stuff, I want a SOULMATE, or better yet a TWIN FLAME!!!” The quest for the ideal mate becomes a soul mission.

If you have been doing your spiritual work, and you are over 30, you probably don’t want to go to bars. You probably don’t ever want to go on another date. You just want to meet the right person and meditate together….forever (sigh). The idea of a soulmate sounds really good. So you begin your quest to find your spiritual partner.

Some of the lucky ones meet someone right away. Good karma. Others find a whole new set of problems that repeat themselves in the “spiritual dating scene” or lack of one. First off, for the women, “Where are all the freakin’ men??” They are not at yoga, healing class, or your “feel your feelings” group. For the few men that do go to these events, “Look at all these open women, and I am their only option!! Why choose just one, when I can sample them all!” Or, and I see this a lot, the monogamous and ready ones find someone very fast. And just like that they are gone.

All the same, embarking on spiritual dating journey can be very fun. It’s exciting to think of the possibilities, and bringing in a true partner to share your life is a worthwhile endeavor. It also can be a huge motivator for growth. But the more intense the connection, the more mature you have to be to create a sustained relationship. That means the more practical and down to earth you must be to deal with life’s challenges together. At the end of the day a spiritual relationship is really just a relationship.

Pitfall #1
OVER-SPIRITUALIZING RELATIONSHIP

I once went out on a date with a very spiritual man. He took me to get falafel at the cheapest restaurant on the block. He didn’t pay for me. Then afterwards he took me to the corner store to go get a lottery ticket for himself, claiming he had almost become psychic enough to win the lottery. My spiritual ideals told me it was totally possible that he could develop this skill, but I kid you not my ovaries retracted. I had a real biological rejection happen in that moment. This illustrates the basic problem with the first phase of spiritual dating….over-spiritualizing life while ignoring basic needs.

Lets face it, those of us that are connected to spirit really believe in it and feel it. In some ways the ecstasy of connecting in this way does make the physical seem mundane and unimportant. After all, spirit provides. I do believe that, but there’s a thin line between letting spirit provide and being caught in a delusional fantasy.

Here’s the classic setup of our time: Spiritual woman meets spiritual guy. He has no money, she does. She tries not to let this bother her, it does. He tries to make believe it doesn’t bother him, it does. He won’t work because he is exploring spirituality and he’d rather stick it to “the Man” than be the man. She admires his spiritual fire, independent thinking and openness, but becomes stressed out because her body is telling her she cannot bring a child into the world without some security. She doesn’t want to admit that. He has a hard time committing to her, because deep down he feels no purpose, is emasculated by the fact that she is the provider and he’d like someone more feminine. He doesn’t want to admit that.

Instead of breaking up and bitching that he was a scrub, and that you have to find someone who has their shit together, or for the man, instead of concluding that you just aren’t ready for a monogamous relationship because you have to find yourself, acknowledge that this situation is a potential evolutionary step. By getting in touch with your primal needs and working with them to integrate with your spiritual work, you can enter a true bliss state only possible in the physical. The truth is, if you were actually at the vibratory level of bringing in a wealthy, evolved spiritual man, or an open, surrendered feminine woman, you would have. So work with what you got if at all possible. There is room for a lot of growth here. This leads us to number two.


Pitfall#2
CONFUSING GENDER ROLES/FEMINIZING SPIRITUALITY

When I signed up for healing school many years ago, I was convinced I would meet my soulmate there. But when I arrived, there were 10 women to every man. Can you feel me ladies? If you took out the gay ones, it pushed it to like 20:1. That really depressed me. I thought, “Why on earth is all the marketing for this school done in shades of purple? Are they purposely trying to alienate men?” After four years in that school, brilliant as it was, I was convinced they didn’t see this imbalanced ratio as a problem and were fine with alienating men. I understand that at the time of the school’s inception, it was more important to make a space for women, but I wanted to meet my partner! All that purple and all those emotions constantly being expressed drove them away. I left the school soulmate-less and single.

I think this is a shadow issue with new age spirituality in general: over-feminizing the spiritual. This means that spiritual men are expected to act more feminine when exploring spiritual territory, and the masculine is considered unevolved. It is a reaction to the patriarchal system, not an evolved spiritual state for men. The more they feminize, the less we want them and the less they want us! And many of us have ceased to recognize what is truly masculine. Even many men have forgotten. Men don’t want to work or commit and women keep attracting these spiritual/feminine types because they are looking for a spiritual relationship and feminism has taught them that the masculine is wrong. Feminism has also taught them that they need to be the man. It’s very confusing. I wouldn’t trade feminism, but like all things, it’s a step, not a destination. Luckily, brilliant work has been done on this subject. I won’t repeat what these experts have said, only that a harmonious relationship requires an agreement of masculine/feminine roles that will blow our post-feminist beliefs out of the water.

Read David Deida books or do some of his workshops. The information he presents is every spiritual persons relationship dream they don’t even know they are having. Then read books like “Getting to I Do” by Pat Allen and Sandra Harmon and a surprisingly practical ebook called “Catch Him and Keep Him,” by Christian Carter. Cheezy titles, uncomfortable information, but lets face it, spiritual couples and singles need help. You can throw out whatever doesn’t work for you in the books, but for me and for my clients, the information has been invaluable. All of these books say what ancient spiritual traditions say in western language. Native cultures understand the polarity of the sexes and work with them. This information alone could save a dying relationship.

The few guys that were at healing school loved to all hang out and do guy stuff. They had their men’s group, I was dying to know how it all worked for them, but it was forbidden. On the off hours, they did a lot of guy stuff, like compare penis sizes, look at Playboy and declare the evenings, “feelings-free.” “How barbaric!” I thought, as I did anything I could to hang out with them.

Pitfall #3
PAST-LIFE PROJECTION

I actually dated one of the few healing school guys. He was beautiful, deep, spiritual, indecisive, non-committal and confused. Intoxicating. Many women in the school were “in love” with him. One by one they would somehow manage to tell him they had had a past life together and that’s why their connection was so strong. This upset him. He didn’t know who was really his friend, or who was projecting. It didn’t feel real. My attitude about past life loves is that they are exes, like any other, not a green light to give it another go. Of course, he appreciated my practical attitude and pursued me. After a few weeks with him, we were both convinced we were soulmates, maybe even twinflames, the one we had been waiting for, just like all the psychics said! A passionate, spiritual and dramatic love affair followed.

After that ended in crushing heartbreak, I admitted that my spiritual ideals of what a relationship should like was a bunch of crap. I knew I was missing some basics. A good relationship can be made with a soulmate, a twinflame or someone you have absolutely no history with at all. I wouldn’t get stuck on the soulmate part, I would aim for the good relationship with the most compatible partner. I would take some tips from people in regular ol’ relationships who are making it work.

Pitfall#4
SPIRITUAL PERFECTIONISM AND IDEALS

If you keep attracting someone you consider under-evolved, then you are not meeting your own standards of evolution. Period. Either evolve more, or let up on yourself so you can bring in someone as imperfect as you, then grow together.

Spiritual people and perfection: it’s a killer!! You know these types. They preach love as their religon. It’s like the New Age Love Mafia. The pressure to say the right, loving thing at all times is as suffocating as Sunday school at a Pentecostal church. I can feel my inner bitch ready to shake down. No one can be loving and nice all the time, its just dishonest. There has to be room for the more ugly emotions and the willingness to work through them. If you don’t learn how to see in dark, you will be blind. This is a spiritual relationship killer. People who are trying so hard to be perfect will have no idea how to deal with the variables that combining your life with another human inevitably presents. Relationship is messy and imperfect. Your partner is going to mess up…a lot. And so will you. The other side of perfectionism is constantly feeling like you have to heal, grow, or work harder to become better so you attract a “healed man.” What does that even look like anyway?

Although I always had too much attitude to join the New Age Love Mafia, I really had the perfection bug. I spent years tirelessly working on myself so he would magically appear, totally healed and ready (so I would never be hurt again). He finally showed up one day…in the form of a woman and a man around my parent’s age. What the hell? Inadvertently, I had manifested my ideal parents. And I was head over heals in love!!! I absolutely adored my new parents. I was surprised, but recognized this was what I needed all along. And this was why every relationship prior had been a bust. I was forever mourning the loss of my parental unit (divorce). When I really let myself grieve that, I then brought in “ideal” parents who were still together to help me heal and mature so I could stop recreating the trauma. I learned so much from them, and they continue to be role models and dear friends.

Trying to heal parental wounds through relationships can be a slippery slope. If you still have a lot of healing to do, you will probably just recreate the trauma. Spiritual people are just as vulnerable to this as anyone else. The tricky part is that the intensity of these wounded relationships creates a connection that can be mistaken for a soulmate. Maybe they are, but this adds a whole new level of pressure and pain when things don’t go well. For a very spiritual person this can be a huge disillusionment into their humanity.

After meeting my spiritual parents, I soaked in a lot of care that I desperately needed. That inner child needed her parents back together so badly! I began to work with relationship therapist. He asked me to write down everything I wanted in a man and email it to him. After reading my list he said, “Are you looking for a 60 year old man?” (I was 32). I said, “Noooooooo, although that would explain the new parents.” He said, “Then your list is unrealistic.” That was a relief. My ideal man did feel unachievable, but the manifesting books all said to write everything down. However, with the love and care from my spiritual parents, I no longer needed my partner to be perfect (so I would never be hurt again). I was free to bring in a partner that was actually human, flawed and my age. This healer also nailed me on codependency and over-spiritualizing, and gave me real, practical, tools for creating and sustaining a relationship.

After that, it took me a little less than a year to bring in a great partner. In the next article I will share a little about that and give practical tips to assist in meeting and creating a good relationship.

(c) CC Treadway 2009-10. All rights reserved.